Episode 64: Retaining Each Other With Di-Tu and Ashley Hixson
Introduction:
Hey friend, the time has come to finish your dissertation, graduate and become doctor. Welcome to office hours with Dr. Lacy where we talk about how to finally master this time management thing so you can stay on top of it without losing your mind. Every Wednesday you can find a new episode wherever you listen to podcasts, make sure you hit the subscribe button to make sure you never miss an episode. I'm Dr. Marvette Lacy your dissertation writing strategist here to be with you along every step of the way. I would like to thank you for coming to today's office hours. Let's get started on today's episode. Hey, how's writing going? I know you don't like the question, but let me tell you, when you join the finish your dissertation program, you will love that question. Clients often report feeling excited and joyful to go into their process even before they even get to the dissertation process, and that's what I'm inviting you to do. I'm inviting you to come inside the group and join us so that you can get the structure you need and the tools that will help you to show up consistent and disciplined in your process. All you need to do is come on over to Marvette lacy.com/apply and sign up for the wait list and you will be the first notified when doors are open. See you soon.
Introducing Our Guests:
Okay, welcome back everyone to a new episode of office hours with Dr Lacy and so excited for today's interview is a double interview and I'm going to have them introduce themselves, but I've gotten to know them over the past year and I have enjoyed working with them and I'm excited for you all to meet them as well. So I don't know who wants to go first, but let the people know who you are, where you are, and a little bit about your program experience.
Guest: Di-Tu Dissassa:
Hello, my name is Di-Tu Dissassa. I am a well now third year, um, in a doctoral program at the University of Maryland in the student affairs concentration. I'm originally from Kansas City, Missouri. And, um, before I worked or started doing my work as a doctoral student, I was working at University of Michigan as a hall director.
Dr. Lacy:
Yeah. Thank you. Welcome.
Guest: Ashley Hickson:
Hi, Dr. Lacy and Di-Tu. I am Ashley Hickson pronouns are she, her, hers. I am also a third year student at Maryland in the student affairs concentration HESI program, which is higher education, student affairs, international educational policy. Um, I am from Griffin, Georgia, which is a small city right outside of Atlanta. Um, prior to me starting my doctoral work, I was working at the University of Michigan Flint in Flint, Michigan. Di-tu and I did not know each other when we were working in our respective institutions, but God is good and he made me meet my sister. Um, and most of my work has been around advising, uh, career counseling, career coaching, uh, retention and persistence. Yeah. So my current research interests focus on the intersections of race, gender, and technology.
Why a PhD? (Dr. Lacy):
Yeah, y'all they smart and stuff. I love it. Uh, so one of the, my favorite questions to ask people is, why in the world would you go in one, want to apply but then follow through and enroll in a PhD program? Like why would you do that?
Guest: Di-Tu Dissassa:
Yeah, I can start because my answer is pretty simple. I wanted to start a family, but you know sometimes you can't make that happen. And I felt like that now, well, when I was searching two, three years ago, um, I felt like it was a good time to go ahead and complete this degree because I did have an interest in it. And I was like, well, since I have an interest, it's probably the best that I go ahead and do this now before I have other responsibilities. Um, so that I can fully focus on this, even though I wasn't a hundred percent sure that I wanted to be in a doc program.
Dr. Lacy:
No, I get that. I was told to go and apply, so I get it. Yeah. What about you, Ashley Hickson?
Guest: Ashley Hickson:
Um, so I am a McNair scholar and part of the, it's a trio program for underrepresented students. And so part of the McNair program is that you make a commitment to pursue a doctoral program or doctoral degree. And so, um, I initially applied for PhD programs in higher education student affairs back in 2013 and I got all no's and then I applied again in the fall of 2017 to the beginning of 2018 so it was something that since 2008 as an undergraduate student, I know, I knew that I wanted to pursue and I made a commitment to pursue, but the timing was, I was just really frustrated with my job. I didn't see a lot of mobility for me. Um, in terms of like not only like formal positions but also for skills that I knew I wanted to develop and cultivate. And so I knew that given my frustrations, the time was right for me to apply at the time that I applied.
Expectations & Reality (Dr. Lacy):
Yeah, I get it. Yep. I was in a similar position. I was in the middle of transitioning. I was going to go job search and I thought I was going to get another housing position. But then you know, good old Dr. Moore was like, no, here's this piece of paper you're going to fill out. And you're going to go and enroll? And I said, Oh okay, you're right. I'm going to go do that and I filled out the application with all this stuff. But yes so being like someone who wasn't like it wasn't in a, I just got out of a marriage and I didn't have kids and I wasn't in transition anyways. So I was like you right like similar to you Di-Tu, like perfect timing and I was just going to focus for the next four years on this. So thank y'all for sharing. And when you think about like the expectations you had before and the realities you had in that first semester, did they match up or how were they different.
Guest: Di-Tu Dissassa: Are you talking about. the program or of ourselves in the program?
Dr. Lacy: Both cause you know cause people, right now I just did the grad school summit with black in grad school.
Guest: Ashley Hickson: Oh I saw that. I wish I could have made it. I saw the flyer with you on it. I was like, that's my Dr. Lacy!
Dr. Lacy:
I mean it was real dope and it was like to be in like that, to the excitement of people who are going into a program. It's like, Oh you think it's going to be so great. I mean it will be great but it won't be what you think it is. And so I'm just trying to demystify that as much for people so that it's not as much of a shock. I think it's helpful to hear people talk about their experiences of what they thought it was going to be and what it ended up being.
Guest: Ashley Hickson:
But for one thing I thought at some point in my life I thought I was an okay writer. Like I really truly thought I was an okay writer. I also thought I knew how to read. Um, but all those things, all those things surfaced as untrue, like not only, sis not only can you not write, you can not, you can't even read. And so I think like really finding a place to embrace humility has been something that is very important for me. Also, I'm a person that like to know, like some of my friends say I know a lot about nothing and I just know random things because I'm just really curious and I'd like to read and I'm learning that throughout this program there's so many things that I do not know and that's okay. And then I have so many people that I can reach out to and I can learn and engage with things in which I'm interested in. And so, um, I think that was one of the biggest thing for the, biggest things for me was to learn like, to just accept like girl you not where you thought you were, sis. Come back down here cause you up there and you need to just humble yourself and really appreciate that this is a program where you are, expected to learn and expect it to grow and not expect it to come in with all these different things and holding all this knowledge. Like yes, you do have things to contribute based on your experiences and the things you know. But this is, this is a place where you're really supposed to learn. Like you're really supposed to take this time to learn and digest what it is that will be meaningful for, for the field and for the work that you do individually. And the at very beginning part of my transition to the program, like that was something that was a challenge for me initially.
Dr. Lacy:
Right. And the learning looks different, right, than what you might be used to. Especially if you're coming straight from undergrad. Right. It's no more of this will be on the test. So pay attention. It's more about the quality of discussion that's happening in the classroom. Like yes, you're reading and you're writing and you have assignments, but it's really like if everybody don't read, then the discussion is going to be lacking and are you going to really get the richness that you could get if everyone was prepared. Um, I think that's an adjustment for people too. What about you, Di-Tu?
Guest: Di-Tu Dissassa:
No, a hundred percent agree with both of you all are saying, I think my main thing like expectations coming into this program, I didn't really have a lot of them. I don't, I have a lot of people around me who have been in graduate programs. So I think coming into this program I already knew I was first gen and something that somebody said to me, it's like once you're first gen, you're always first gen. I don't remember who said it to me. I think it was one of my other colleagues. But you do like, you feel that when you come into these programs and sometimes it's really hard to even wrap your mind around what you need to be working on or what work you need to do or strategies of like, how do I get all of this done and still be a person and still, you know, have my outside activities. Um, and then not being too hard on yourself because I think that kind of what Hickson was pointing out, um, is that you can't know everything and like you're here to learn. And I feel like sometimes we have, the expectation is I'm going into a doc program, so I should already know. You know, I've been in grad school, so I should already know. Um, but I think just kind of letting my guard down, which is very hard for me, but letting my guard down and letting people guide me again, especially after being a professional, it's difficult.
Um, and you have to like me and him Hickson are both full time, so we had to, I'm sure she would agree had to learn how to balance our budget all over again with a student budget. What budget actually we're just trying to pay the bills at the end of the month. So I think that was for me that was something that was really challenging. Like I think um Anthony Abraham Jack, writes about this, right? Like the concept of school isn't hard. Like the money part is hard and it is a challenge for me that has been like one of the biggest challenges. And you still feel that and like the first gen part of what you're doing because my parents are not where, you know, other people who maybe have had parents who are more success, I don't want to say successful but maybe have higher paying jobs, you know, they don't have as many needs as somebody like me would have or other people who were first gen who are still, you know, trying to support, not support their parents but be there for their parents. Um, I think there's a lot of difficulty with that. Um, so just a lot of different first gen things for me were the expectations, um, with school, the expectations with life and um, that challenge of going from professional to student again.
Dr. Lacy:
Absolutely. I agree. I um, cause I remember like that first year I was in a 13 hour assistantship, but essentially meant I got paid about $800 a month. And I was just like, but that's rent and utilities, what about everything else. And you know, like the program has all these hidden costs, right? You got to go do this over there. And it's like, no, I don't got the budget for that. And I think about, um, in the summer as well of like, it wasn't, it was just a 10 month assistantship. So I didn't have a job. You can't, the program had an official rule that you couldn't work outside of the program. But I was like, how else am I supposed to eat? And it's strange like having a conversation with your family, right? Cause they're like, Oh, you want to get a PhD? Why are you working at a fast food restaurant? And I'm like, cause I need the money. Right. How else will i survive. So I totally get that whole hustle and also feeling like a first gen, cause I, it was as if I'd never been to college before. I was like, I don't, how do you get the bus? Where's the building? What you mean? Like, and I've never been at a large school either. So that was a whole thing too. Um, so yeah you're always a first year gen student.
Guest: Ashley Hickson:
Yeah, absolutely. I agree. I think like no matter how much people talk about like imposter syndrome and how much people tell you are imposter syndrome and how many people tell you you belong, like in this a space. Like we would not have admitted you to the program if we didn't think you were qualified and then can show up and do the work. So I think about that often because no matter how many times you hear it you still have like these negative thoughts about your abilities and strengths. And so I think that goes like along with like the first gen just like thoughts about yourself and like how well you can show up and do all the things. I remember in our student learning class, facilitating student learning and Di-Tu and I worked and another peer with a colleague, we were talking about like how programs were being, how the programs are ranked and so like Maryland and Georgia for student affairs it was like number one and number two and going back and forth and so Di-Tu said who's in the number one program? Like Di-Tu our program is highly ranked. And she was like how did I get into this program?
Guest: Di-Tu Dissassa:
I was like, we number one? I didn't know we was number 1.
Guest: Ashley Hickson:
And then like it switched Georgia, then Maryland and so Di-Tu and I we had a joke like we were the people that like dropped the rating. It's just like how the heck did I end up here? Like know that these things are, you know, and of course there is a lot of perceptions about rankings and all of this, but to know that this program is highly regarded regardless of the ranking, like to know that this program is highly regarded and then knowing that me like first gen student, working class family, was able to be admitted to this program is still very, sometimes it's, it's, it's almost like a little bit of disbelief cause I'm like how did I, how did I get here?
Guest: Di-Tu Dissassa:
And I think one thing that's interesting about our program is that this, I would say I think that our program is probably not the norm of what higher education programs are or student affairs program are across the nation. And so that's another thing like on top of this, I'm having a different experience than other people in a good way. Like, having all Women of Color cohort you know, faculty of color, like it's not probably common for most folks. um in the field. And so I dunno, I just feel I'm happy because I feel like if I would've went to another program, I don't know how I would be holding on, you know, cause at least somebody here understands my story. They may not know my story fully, but they can kind of relate to some of the things I've been through.
Retaining Each Other (Dr. Lacy):
Yeah. And that's really interesting now because Georgia now has this perception of where like that's where all the Black people go or like as well the Black women go there and I'm like no, not really. Right. And like perceptions, like no, people make up all types of stories, whatever. But I it, there is something very valuable being able to have faculty that, like you said, they get it. They might not know the details of the ins and outs of your story, but like you could still go on there and look at them to take a deep breath and you don't got to explain nothing else. Like yup. I get it. So in that sort of vein of like, how do you make it thinking about experiences and programs, right? And in the spirit of Dr. Fries-Britt and Bridgette Turner Kelly retaining each other, right? This is the relationship between black women. I think about the two of you and being able to watch the two of you. I'm like, yes, this is what it's all about. Helping each other through, sitting with each other to do, whether it's work for the center, work for classes. Like I just enjoy being able to watch the two of you together. So I'm curious, how did y'all meet? How did this friendship begin?
Guest: Ashley Hickson:
Well, we met in our preview day, although I don't think we talked to each other that much. Um, until we got into that. We did not.
Guest: Di-Tu Dissassa:
Yeah, I think we were both like sculpting things out. The funny thing is I feel like we're both kind of analytic, analytical. Um, and so I know that we were both scoping things out. Scoping people out, probably scoping each other out. Like who is this black girl? So we didn't talk to each other that much, but we started having class together and um, I don't know. For me I just, it kinda clicked well just because I knew that Ashley was somebody who was about her business. Um, and she can also, our personality is kind of hit well together I think. And I'm sure she's going to talk more about that because I'm looking at her doing these hand signals in the video chat, um, but we really just kind of got to know each other in class. Again, our program actually does have a good amount of people of color, but we're the only two Black women in our cohort. I Think yes. I feel like naturally we just kind of migrated towards each other. And like Ashley said earlier, God knew what we needed and he put us together. But then when she started working at the center with us on the project, they just, we were in the center late one night and then from there we just kept meeting every night and helping each other through our work. And then we started our own shared drive together to keep each other motivated. And we do our weekly check ins. So I'm not going to say everything. I'm going to let her talk some.
Guest: Ashley Hickson:
Like, in addition to all of that, like we were taking classes together and then our second semester of our first year, so that spring semester we actually co-taught a class together, which was, we were spending a lot of time together. And so like just in teaching the class, the class again that we were able to kind of see and observe each other's disposition and like be able to observe like each other's work style and to be able to balance that. And so Di-Tu is like very Di-Tu is very chill and laid back. And Di-Tu is also very like, let's get this task done, here's the task, what do I need to do? Let's get it done. And I am such, one of my top five strengths is futuristic and I just find so much joy and energy and just these like ideas and I do follow through with details, but I love like creating, I love planning, I love strategizing, I love talking things through. Um, typically the, for me to feel comfortable to do that with a person, it's because I have a relationship with that person. And so like if it was someone else, like I wouldn't be as comfortable articulating my ideas and my thoughts. And so because Di-Tu, and I have really cultivated a sisterhood, I wouldn't even call it a friendship, it's more of a sisterhood because she, one of my line sisters tells me that I feel like home to her. And so she just feels really comfortable for me, comfortable like with me. And so I feel the same way with Di-Tu. She just feels like home. And so with home you can let your guard down, you can, you know, like say whatever you want to say without like fear of judgment. And um, her mom is like mama Doris as well.
Um, and so I think having a person within your program where it doesn't feel like scripted or you feel like you have to be reserved, like Di-Tu knows, she knows exactly how I am, she knows how I'm going to respond to things. And this is us only being friends for two years, but we have spent that much time together that she knows like how I'm going to respond to things. How I am going to react to things and then the same with me. So far, last semester we had to write a paper in our advanced student development theories course and so we were pretty much done with the paper. We had found like all of our citations and sources and like everything and so probably, I don't know like a week or so before the paper is done, I came, I pack before I came into the center, the center is where we work together and study together. I was at home and I packed up all these books and so while I was packing the books I was literally laughing cause I was like that Di-Tu is going to be so pissed off when I bring these books and I walk into the center holding all these books. It was probably like seven or eight books. I was like, I got as great resources and she was like girl we are done with this paper. And I knew like I knew that's what she was going to say, but I still did it because of bringing these sources that we can add it to our paper. And so having someone.
Guest: Di-Tu Dissassa:
We did end up using the sources we did.
Guest: Ashley Hickson:
We did use them. And so it's like even when we're frustrated with each other because of like our ideas and we're trying to find ways to mix our ideas together and makes sense of things. Like even in that I still like, I feel like we're still patient with each other and respectful and so I really enjoy working with someone who knows like this is how she works. I know she's going to have all these ideas and let's find a way to like collaborate and make this work for both of us. And then, also just kind of just let me be and let me think and let me create and not feeling, like this is someone who's like constantly judging my process, like how I, you know, my writing process or creating process.
Guest: Di-Tu Dissassa:
Yeah. I feel like Ashley pushes the box and I'm like, okay, yes, we need to push the box open, but we also have to keep this together until we get to the finish line. Huh, right.
Dr. Lacy:
I was going to say I do appreciate that Di-Tu. Like I giggle in my head in staff meetings because I was just waiting for Di-Tu to be like, okay, so do you want me to do? Like it was the whole academics could just keep talking and have all the ideas and Di-Tu just like, so I mean that's what you want me to do because I'm doing exactly what you want me do. And I just appreciate that So much.
Guest: Ashley Hickson:
I do too. What do you need to do? That's all I'm trying to know.
Guest: Di-Tu Dissassa:
I'm trying to, I'm working on it and I think that's another thing that's a good about working with somebody who's so different from you and so different from the way you think is because they make you work on those parts of yourself that you lack in. So like for me, Hickson helps me to work on expanding my thoughts and listening to other people's thoughts in other groups. Because you know I will completely tune out in some of our research team meetings or group meetings that we have other people, um, because I just like, let's get to the point, but other people don't think that way. And so I think it has been helpful to have someone challenge me in that way because I need to learn how to be patient with others in their thought process.
Dr. Lacy:
I get it. I get it. You have no idea. I get it. Um, so when I'm talking with like other, you know, it's actually like Black women, um, in other programs. Um, like I did that event at ACPA at a conference.
Guest: Ashley Hickson:
Yeah, it was good.
Mentoring Advice (Dr. Lacy):
Thank you. But the interesting thing about like a lot of people have this feedback of I didn't want to come because I have a lot of hurt from other Black women and I just thought this was going to be just another event that was not going to be the way it was portrayed to be. But I'm glad I came. And so I don't, I mean, any words of encouragement or advice about folks who are, because I think a lot of that too is about how you just spoke about it engaging in relationships and letting the other person be who they are without taking it personally. Are there other things or words of encouragement that you could provide for folks who they want that type of relationship but feel like, Hmm, this wasn't it in the past and I don't know about opening myself up, especially at this point where we are all good and grown coming into a PhD program. Like I don't know if I should be doing that. Anything you would offer them?
Guest: Di-Tu Dissassa:
I can't speak for the whole black community, you know, but I think that a lot of times as I would just say marginalized people, we expect other marginalized people to respond in a certain way. And it's not always fair, I think because people, one if they're like the only in that department, like they can't be everything to everybody. Um, and I think we have high expectations, especially for women of color and especially for Black women. When, like one thing that I had to understand coming into my program is that my advisor, main reason for probably getting, becoming a faculty member was probably not to advise me. Like their, they probably wanted to do their research. They probably have other things that are their main goals other than advising me. Like that could be just part of the job. Like sometimes you just have to, I don't know, every, everybody can't be everything to you all the time. Like I think that that's one thing I had to understand. Like, okay, this is my advising appointment. I'm going in for my advising appointment and if me and my advisor talk about my personal life and all this other stuff and that's cool, but if we just talk about my work and get things done, I'm okay with that too. Did you have something to add?
Guest: Ashley Hickson:
I think like, okay. Okay. When I think about like my experience in this program, like I feel like yes, we are a program where there are a lot of students of color graduate students of color within the program. Um, which is great. Um, and so you get to build like this, like this microcosm of like community, I don't know, I don't know if that's the correct word, but you have like this very broad community of people who you may or may not share some experiences with. And then if you have this community where you get to pick people and people get to pick you. And so I'm really thankful that like, even some of the experiences is that I've had, like with Black women, like I've had some negative experiences with other Black women. Mmm. But, uh, the overwhelming majority experiences with Black women have been very positive for me. And so for me, like there was never a situation where I would enter in but like not try to cultivate some type of relationship with another Black woman. And so, um, I think giving people like, giving people the space and the grace to like, especially for a PhD program, I personally feel like you need community and I personally feel like I need to be in community with Black women. And so
I think giving people the space and the grace to like build those connections, whether they're informal or formal connections that you build with people, I think that's important. And I think it's important because you um, like there are benefits to it and that, I don't want to say, I don't want it to make it feel like it or make, make it seem like, I think it's transactional, but just like in terms of like your personal life, like there are so many things where people who share your identities, um, that you all can relate and just kind of like talk about and have very authentic and raw conversations about. And um like for me, like that's very important, especially being a first year student. Like, because my family, like I'm super close to my family, however, there are things that they, they don't understand and there, there are things that other Black women in the program share this identity. They also understand what it is that I'm experiencing. And so it's easier to have those conversations. Um, and so I just really like, I really, really appreciate, um like the community that I've, that I've cultivated and had people pick me to be like in their, in community with them. I just really appreciate that for like for this experience. I really, I truly appreciate it and I really value it.
Prepping For Comps (Dr. Lacy):
Yeah. Uh, really, um, thank you all for sharing that cause I think about like my finish your dissertation program. So it is meant, it's all folks of color. Um, and it's meant to provide that community right along the same vein of like everyone can't be everything to you or for you. And especially when you're in a program where there isn't a lot of folks of color and you feeling like you don't have that support, this, this group provides that for a lot of people and Even if you do have that support inside of your program, sometimes you just need additional support. Sometimes like you just want an extension of just other people maybe like who share your same research interest or whatever. And so I tell people that what I do is more than let's talk about the technical pieces of your dissertation. For me, community is everything. Yeah. And it's, it's more about providing that community. I love that y'all are sharing this because that's exactly like the sentiments that you shared is exactly what I'm trying to create for students throughout the entire doctoral process. It's just most people come to me when I start working on their comps, on their dissertation. So y'all are about to take comps. How are you feeling.
Guest: Di-Tu Dissassa:
Right now, I feel good cause we don't have no work. I'm excited, I guess.
Guest: Ashley Hickson:
I'm excited for comps. Yeah, I'm excited. But I'm also nervous. I'm excited and I'm nervous for comps.
Guest: Di-Tu Dissassa:
Yeah. And I think going back to the community piece, like we can't be in community for our comprehensive exam.
Guest: Ashley Hickson:
We can be in community for comprehensive exam. Di-Tu has decided that she is staying on an Island and she is no longer having wifi on this island. And so, we can be in community, we can't converse about our topics and about our comprehensive exam. But we can be in community with each other. So if you're planning to come to Maryland, please do not.
Dr. Lacy: No, I tell people that too cause a lot of people do have that thought. Like I can't talk to anybody that are in comps. I'm like, no, they just don't want you to share an answer.
Guest: Ashley Hickson:Di-Tu is writing everyone off.
Dr. Lacy: That's so funny. How long are your comps?
Guest: Ashley Hickson: One month. June 15th through July 15th.
Dr. Lacy: Well just remember, keep, keep the food in house. We can wear the same thing. You know, keep it, keep every day as the same as much as possible cause that helps cut down on decisions.
Final Thoughts (Dr. Lacy):
Well, as we get ready to, um, in this wonderful conversation, are there any words of wisdom that you would provide? Like students who are just coming into the program or those who are just starting, like maybe they're finishing up their first year to help them to keep going so they can get to where you are.
Guest: Ashley Hickson:
Um, I would say one thing that I have learned and that I really, uh, I really appreciate about umm, being in community with other people is just like being flexible with yourself. Like, yes, you have to be disciplined. Yes, you have to get things done, but you, but there's like, there is time to do it. You just have to really like make sure you are giving yourself to like compartment compartmentalizing as best that you can. So that's one thing Dr. Moore and I talked about, she was like, you got to learn how to compartmentalize. And so, um, making time for yourself to do things like outside of your laptop. And so Di-Tu and I like we're sister scholars and we're also friends, right? So like we, we do things that does not require any type of reference page or APA citation. Like we do things like we can go out to dinner or we've gone to like comedy shows, we've gone to basketball games, we've done girls night, we celebrated like all these different things and these different moments. And so I think like when you're thinking about your community its important to think of the people within your community more than, well, it's more than scholars. Like, think of them as people with other parts of their lives and show up for those moments that are also, they're are not related to the Academy.
Like if there something like for Di-Tu's birthday, like show up for those other moments that are important because I think it helps you with cultivating your friendship and really having something Mmm. That speaks beyond academia umm. Technical word of wisdom is annotate everything from start to finish. So as soon as you start your program star annotating because it helps with like reading comprehension. Like at the beginning of our conversation I talked about like, Oh, I didn't know how to read nor write. And so, um, I think annotating as much as you can at the beginning of your program is very helpful and that's something that I wish I would have done, I'm a better job at. And so those are my two nuggets that I hope are helpful for someone who is entering their program.
Dr. Lacy:
Absolutely. Thank you.
Guest: Di-Tu Dissassa:
Um, I think that thing that I would say is find some humor in the day. Find some humor in everything. You know as much as you can because a lot of this program is come sometimes can be stressful, but you know, especially that to laugh it off even like sometimes when I get a a grade or feedback, just have to kind of let it go and have a good laugh. Like, man, I really messed this up but I'm going to do better next time. Um, I think there's been a lot of, but that's also the way that I cope. So for other people they might have other coping mechanisms, but um, and also find something that you enjoy outside of your program. Like don't let your program be the only thing that you're doing. I know Hickson was talking about enjoying other people outside of the program, but I think having another outlet, whether that's, you know, you work out every day or, um, for me a big outlet is church. Like I'm very active in my church family and that really helps me because these are people who know nothing about what I'm doing in school. I mean, my family also has no clue, but at least like, these are people I see every week that don't have anything to do with schoolwork. And so they know me just as a person, not as a person, and you know, the program doing X, Y, and Z. Um, because I think sometimes in programs it can be transactional, um, depending on who you know, who or what, you know, and what people want to get from you. Um, so I think that like helps me get authentic. Not saying that I don't have authentic relationships with my program, but I feel like I know that those relationships are authentic because nobody is not giving a type from anyone. It's just there. Mmm. Um, and yeah, I mean, I think that's it. I don't have any technical things.
Guest: Ashley Hickson: I have a question for you, Dr. Lacy.
Dr. Lacy: Oh, okay.
Guest: Ashley Hickson:
Di-Tu are you, I'm sorry. Di-Tu, Are you done?
Guest: Di-Tu Dissassa:
You just cut me off.
Guest: Ashley Hickson:
I know, I be ready like this is, this is part of our process. D-Tu give me the side eye, but I do apologize friend, are you done?
Guest: Di-Tu Dissassa
Yeah. I would have told you if I wasn't done. I'm done. Go ahead ask your question.
Guest: Ashley Hickson:
So Dr. Lacy, we are entering our third year and we are taking comps this summer and we are also taking proposal writing with you in the fall. What words of wisdom do you have for us for these next two years?
Dr. Lacy
Next two years. Um, excuse my, I always joke on the podcast that I live in the hood because these cars be trying to take me out. Um, what I tell folks that's I tell clients is that just as much energy, I would almost argue putting more energy into feeling good. Uh, people, I felt like you get this message in the Academy that you just gotta grind, you gotta hustle, you can have fun later, you can take care of yourself later. And all that does is not only are you cause people think like, I'll, I just do this and then I graduated and I get to live my life. No, you're going to continue doing the same habits you were doing during your program. And that's why we have so many faculty and folks in higher ed just miserable and sad and just like I say like bleeding all over to people cause they haven't dealt with their, their stuff. Um, and so I always say focus on just how y'all are just saying focus on who you are as people, like remembering your relationships, remembering to do things outside of the program, right? If faith is important to you, staying with that. Um, I highly encourage you taking at least one day a week to do nothing work related, not school work.
Not nothing for assistantship, just like something that you enjoy doing. So if that's watching real Housewives of Atlanta, that's what that is. If that's going down and working out, whatever your thing is, do that because at this point of the game, it's not about hustling your way through it. It's about protecting your peace and your energy through it. The work is going to take care of itself. You've already proven that you can do the work, your approval, that you got this down, you could do this. Nobody's questioning that. Now it becomes, can you outlast and make it to the end and actually remember that you're making it to the end. Like is it going to register that your doctor, cause so many people make it to the end and they don't realize it. And so to me the best way to do that is protect your peace at all costs. Oh that's right. That would be the biggest thing. And you'll see a lot too. And the class of, I'm going to be focusing more on how you feel right now because you can't come in here feeling like crap. Think you about to write everything. That's not how that works.
Guest: Ashley Hickson:
Are we going to go over peace, focus and energy?
Dr. Lacy:
Oh yes. And if y'all ever want to come visit the finish your dissertation girl, let me know. Um, cause we do that too. Every day we check in. Um, cause it's important. I don't feel like you have to protect your peace. These people will take it from you and not think twice. Yeah.
Guest: Ashley Hickson:
Well this is good. I'm excited.
Dr. Lacy:
Thank you all so much for giving up your time, sharing your story. We'll have to have y'all back after you finish to know, like to compare the two to see how much you learn and grow over these next two years. Um, but thank you so much. Hey, you're ready to take this work further. Then it's time for you to join the finish your dissertation program. Finally, get the tools, resources, and structure you need to show up consistent and disciplined in your process. All you need to do is come on over to Marvettelacy.com/apply and join the finish your dissertation waitlist. I'll see you there. Bye for now. Thank you for joining in for today's office hours. Make sure you come on Instagram and tag me at Marvette Lacy, let me know what your thoughts were on today's episode. Until next time, do something to show yourself some love. I'll talk to you next week. Bye for now.