Episode 47: Alexandria Pech - Investing In Yourself

Introduction (Dr. Lacy):

Hey friend, the time has come to finish your dissertation, graduate and become doctor. Welcome to office hours or Dr. Lacy where we talk about how to finally master this time management thing so you can stay on top of it without losing your mind. Every Wednesday you can find a new episode wherever you listen to podcasts, make sure you hit the subscribe button to make sure you never miss an episode. I'm Dr. Marvette Lacy, your dissertation writing strategist here to be with you along every step of the way. I would like to thank you for coming to today's office hours. Let's get started on today's episode. Before we get started, I have a question to ask you and I sincerely don't want to ask you this question because I know you're probably tired of people asking you this question and yeah, I know I need to ask you because I sincerely want to help you, so here it goes. How is your dissertation going? I know, I know. Hear me out. A lot of clients come to me and they say, I just don't know where to start. Can you relate listener? I mean, of course you know you have to complete your proposal and maybe you even decided to start with chapter two. But what's next? How do you start? How long should you dedicate to writing? How do you know which things are most important to focus on? How do you know what to do so that you don't waste time reading and writing the wrong things? I hear you and that is exactly why I created Start Your Dissertation. Start your dissertation, takes you through the step by step process that I use with my current clients every week to get the structure, consistency and discipline needed in their writing process.

Imagine having doable writing goals. I'm talking about goals. When you read them you're like, is this real a course? I can do that with no problem. And so as a result, you're leaping out of your bed every day to write. Can you imagine such a thing? Excited to write. My clients tell me they're excited all the time. But imagine that you, yes, you who is listening can be disciplined enough to show up consistently and not only showing up cause I know you because that was me showing up to the Panera and to Starbucks. Just more excited about the coffee and the lemon loaf, but like imagine not only showing up to write, but that you actually sit down, turn off all distractions and you, write, but like best of all, imagine having so much confidence in your writing that you happily press send to your dissertation chair with your latest draft. Friend, that is what I'm offering you in this course. I am offering you a proven system that's going to take this huge goal of finishing this dissertation and break it down into very bite size pieces that like actually work for your life. But don't just take my word for it. 

Listen to Pascale who has just recently completed this course and Pascale says you need to do this. It will get your whole life together. Since taking this course, she says, I've gained momentum towards completing my literature review revisions. I've also been really intentional about writing every day since the workshop or how about Micah, Micah says, In my daily writing is consistent, which wasn't true a few weeks ago like y'all, she was even able to submit her proposal to her committee in just a few short weeks. So friend, what are you waiting for? Are you ready to finally start this dissertation? If you are, I want you to go over to startyourdissertation.com and sign up for the waitlist. You will be among the first notified when doors are officially open later on this month. Now for real, let's get back to the show.

Introduction to this week’s episode (Dr. Lacy):

Hi everyone. Welcome to this week's episode. We are going to kick off with the first interview of 2020 let's see what's been going on. Before we get there, I feel like I should do like a personal update with what's been going on with me. I just got back from visiting family in Chicago, so I went there on a last minute trip because I needed to get away from Maryland and see people that I love who know me. Um, Indians. Yeah, I did that and now I'm back here finishing up the details for this week's episode and you know, I'm just really excited for what the new year is going to bring. I'm excited to see what happens in my business. I'm gonna go and spend a whole week with my coach next week and so I'm sure it's going to bring about many changes in the business and that I will be sure to update you on that this week we will be talking to a current client who I started working with in this past summer, so the summer of 2019 and then we have been working on her proposal among other things. Um, and so she has made some incredible progress since the time we've been working together. And I thought it would be great to share with you her experience because not only do I want to share with you, share folks with you who have made it and who have graduated, but I do think is also important to talk with people who are currently in the process. A lot of times we, whether it's on social media or whatever, we're only focusing on people who quote unquote made it, right? Like who achieved the goal? But you don't see as much information about what it's like to be in process.

And so that can send us the message that that part isn't important or that we should feel some sort of shame because we haven't made it to the finish line. But there is so much that you can celebrate and you should celebrate while on the journey because really your goals are about the journey as cliché and cheesy as that sounds. That's what it is because you will know and if you think about past accomplishments when you get to the end, it's very anti-climactic. You're like, you're expecting fireworks and balloons and all the things, but it's really the journey is the day in and day out things that you remembered the most and you look back on and you may even say I miss it. So that is a long winded way of saying, this is why I love having a mix of people who I interview and I know that Alexandria is going to like blow your minds away in terms of her story, and her thought process about working with a coach. Um, especially for a first generation student, right? Cause if your family is anything like our families are probably like you did, you did what now you're going to work with who you're considering, you're paying who, what. Um, and we often think that we should be doing all of this, this goal, this dissertation process by ourselves and Alex, the way that she thinks about it, I think would really help, especially if you've been on a fence about if you should get a dissertation coach or not. I really think you're going to find today's episode helpful in reframing that for you. Um, because I do not believe that we should be trying to do challenging processes like this by ourselves. We need help. And whether that's you've got to work with me, are you going to work with someone else? I think it's helpful to hear others' experiences with working with coaches. So without further delay, let's get on to today's episode with Alex. So thank you so much Alex, for agreeing to be a guest on today's podcast. I'm so excited for this. We've been working together for a while now and so I'm so excited to have you on the podcast. So welcome.

Guest: I'm excited to be here.

Dr. Lacy: Yes, you're welcome. So, if you could start off just telling us a little bit about yourself.

Guest: Okay. Yeah, so my name's Alex or Alexandria and I'm a PhD student at University of Arizona. I'm in the family studies and human development program and I'm working on my dissertation proposal and I'm in my sixth year. Um, I, um, I'm originally from Los Angeles county, so South Bay LA and I grew up there until I moved to college up in Northern California and um, I love that small town feel in comparison to LA. And then from Northern California. I graduated and I moved down to Arizona and I've been here for six years.

Journey to PHD (Dr. Lacy):

Awesome. Um, I love that. I feel like I'm going to learn so many new things about you. Um, so six years you're in this, let's go back to before, um, even applying to the program. What were your motivations for saying, okay, I'm going to do this PhD thing? Like how did we get here?

Guest: Uh, how I got here was that I became a McNair scholar, part of the Ronald E McNair scholar program. Uh, I actually, you know, I was a boys and girls club kid in high school, so I went to the college bound program there that helped me apply to college. And then I found myself in the McNair scholar program, which was an extension of the boys and girls club that I grew up in. Where the McNair scholar program was like, you're in this program, we're going to help you apply to graduate school. That is their goal. Uh, so they gave us opportunities to do research because they knew that in order to get to graduate school you have to be exposed to research. Um, but I think alongside the McNair scholars program, I want to say my junior year or going into my junior year, I realized that I was going to be graduating, graduating with a psychology in bachelor uh, sorry, I was going to be graduating with a bachelor's in psychology. And from what I could understand about the job market as a 21 year old getting their bachelor's was that I could either go into case management, um, around where my undergraduate, um, university was c, um, or I mean maybe counseling. And I knew I didn't want to do those two things. So out of wanting to extend my time to figure out what I wanted to do with the bachelors, um, and also having this very supportive program to get me into the graduate program, I decided to pursue my PhD also. I was going to be the first in my family to be Dr. Pech. Um, and that was a huge motivator for me.

Family Support (Dr. Lacy):

Oh, that is awesome. Um, so what, like how does your family feel about everything?

Guest: You know, there's, they're so supportive and I'm really happy that because I've been in school so long, I remember my great grandma, she's 88 now and she would say like, when you getting married, when are you, um, you know, when are you gonna get engaged? And I would have to have these conversations with her that, you know, grandma, you're going to see me get my master's degree. You're going to see me be, um, Dr. Pech, like you haven't had any of your grandkids do that yet. And so that's an a comfort. And when she, three years ago, um, so she was like 85 was able to come to my graduation for my master’s degree. Um, I really think that she saw like the benefits of like doing school first. And so now it's not what I'm going to get married. It's like when you're going to graduate because she, I mean, that would mean the world to me, if, you know, she'd be 89 by that and if she could come to my, um, graduation for my PhD. My mom is super supportive. My mom has always been like, go far away. When I was 18, she was like, you want to go to school eight hours away. Okay, bye. And uh, when I was applying to graduate school, I told her Arizona was an option. She's like, okay, bye. There's no reason to come back home. I'm really appreciative of that because being like a Latina, brown woman, I know some folks who struggle with like, Oh, like you're 27 where are the kids? Where's the marriage? And I've been really thank, I've been really lucky to not have that pressure.

Dr. Lacy: Yeah, absolutely. Um, cause one I'm, I'm so happy, your family is so supportive and it, that's so cool. Your great grandma to be like, Oh. Like I get it. Like, you know, cause I mean I often think back, I think back on my own like grandmother who being the first black woman to be hired by the, um, post office and the main branch in Chicago. And like, she was always a good example to me of how to work hard and whether she says this or not, I've always took that as she did all of this. She worked hard. She went through whatever she had to go through so that I can have this option to be the first one in my family to be doctor. And so like hearing you be able to say that and in your grandmother, like being so supportive, that's just, that's powerful. Right? And you know, the universe comes together, she'll see you go across the stage and be hooded. And that's amazing. Um, and I used to think all the time, like my family would ask me. It's the same of like, where's the marriage? Where are the kids? I mean, they're still asking and I'm over here, like, I'm over here trying to break generational like curses and what not. And you asking me about some kids and some family. Um, which I'm not saying it's not important. I just like, you know, like I just want to say it and I'm like, you fought so hard for me to get here to be able to make a choice like this. And I get it. They don't, they don't mean any harm whatsoever. They want me to be happy. They want me to have good things. Since I know it's coming from a place of love, but I just love hearing that about your family.

Guest: And it's, I've had six years to get that support. Um, and there were times that I didn't know how to explain the journey of the doctoral program. I didn't know how to tell my family, I was working on comps and explain like what it is. I think I was still trying to figure out what it was and why it was taking so long. And so I, I definitely struggled with that and I think at this point, six years in, they're like, you know what, she's going to tell us when she's graduating. We're just going to wait.

Expectations Vs Reality (Dr. Lacy):

Yes. We gonna wait, Oh, we can celebrate now yeah. Uh, it's, I mean it's the best thing, you walk in like all your family is calling you doctor. Hold on to that. It's going to be great. Um, so that's awesome. And to be McNair scholar, that's awesome to see. It works. It works. It's working all over the country. Um, so you came in, you decide that you're going to do that. Talk to us about what your expectations were. Like, what did you think, um, this process was going to be like, and now that you're on this side of things, how have those expectations or your thoughts about what the process is, has that evolved over the past six years?

Guest: That's a good question. Uh, I thought I was going to come in and take classes that I hadn't taken before because I went to a small liberal arts college and now I was going to this research one university, I was going to take these classes and learn all this new material that I hadn't been exposed to to then use it to perfect my, my research questions. Um, because I knew going in that I was going to study children of incarcerated parents and that's always where my heart's been. Uh, that was the expectation. And I will say that I really didn't realize that when, when I got there, I would have these, responsibilities first, I would say first of like TA-ing, right? I would be in classes with 80 students that I'd be responsible for grading their papers and um, proctoring their exams. And a lot of times those immediate deadlines took over first before me absorbing the material I was learning and, and having that time to think about how it applies to my research. Um, and I, I'm a really good TA and I think I learned, I learned how to perfect my role as a TA before I did as a scholar in training. Um, so oftentimes I would, and these are my own decisions sometimes too, like I would prioritize doing something for my Ta-ship than my research. Um, and then I also, I will say what I didn't expect and what was hard for my first couple of years was that for whatever reason, like class assignments, a lot of times people would, you know, write their essays, their end of the semester papers on their research topic. And I found myself in situations where I was writing final papers and doing assignments about research methods on things that weren't even close to my topic, which was really hard when I think back because I spent a few years not accumulating specific, um, products to apply to my master's thesis, to my comps, to my dissertation. And I still struggle with that because my friends will be like, Oh, well I'm going to pull from that paper that I wrote in this class. I'm going to pull from that class. And I just kept finding myself in classes that I wasn't writing about children with incarcerated parents. And I think that's unique to my story too because I didn't go into my program not necessarily having, um, my advisor at the time, we studied two different things and we knew that going and she's like, listen, I don't study children with incarcerated parents. And I'm like, I know like you study, um, early relationships or whatever and we made it work until, you know, it was, we realized that, okay, you might want to, um, go with a new adviser to maybe get those needs, those research needs met. Um, so yeah, I, I, the expectations coming in, um, fell, fell a little flat for a couple of years.

Advising (Dr. Lacy):

Yeah. I mean, which is natural too, right? Like it's a big, that is natural, right? Because we don't know what we don't know. You know, not about like when you've of course you've been in school and things have been not simple, but like you're like, okay, this is going to be another degree and you have all these extra responsibilities and it's like, it's difficult to explain for folks who are not in it, but there's like this, these other hidden, I feel like there were, they were hidden like a checklist of sorts or things that you have to do and navigate that you don't know until you're in it. It's just, it can be overwhelming. Um, so did you decide to get another advisor?

Guest: I did. I did. And um, that took a while to make that decision. It was a hard decision cause I didn't know how to navigate, um, that process. Um, and, and, and then, you know, I was under new supervision after that and that worked for another couple of years, two years where I learned I would say like a new field, a new method. I would say a new method in regards to my research. I would say I took, you know, people ask me like, well, I'm sure people think you know, you're there six years. I will say that my fourth year of graduate school was dedicated to literal, literally hands-on learning in the field, in the community. I didn't get that at Sonoma state where I did my undergrad. I didn't get that the first three years, um, in my PhD program and it was that fourth year where I had an opportunity with my advisor at the time to immerse myself in that field. And so, even though I'm like, yeah, my fourth year I could've, could've been doing these other things and maybe that would have reduced my time in the program. But I really do regard that fourth year as like, like just, uh, a huge learning opportunity.

Day in the Life: (Dr. Lacy)

Yeah, absolutely. And I know it sounds cliche, but like seriously, I've known now no one's journey, like there's no typical journey no matter what the marketing brochure say, there's no typical journey. Um, and there was a reason why you had to spend your fourth year that way. Um, and I'm sure there was a lot of valuable things that you got from that. Yeah, absolutely. Um, okay, so been in for six years now and you're going towards the, um, stage. Before we get to your dissertation, what I'm always interested to ask people, what does a typical week look like? We know that no week is typical, right? There are things probably happening, but if you had to talk about it and like these things happen or this is how I approach my week. Um, how would you describe that?

Guest: Do you want the sixth year version?

Yes, (both laugh).

Guest: I've learned a few things since year two, three, four, five. Um, so a typical week is Monday through Thursday. In the mornings I am either Ta-ing or I'm teaching my own class. Um, from 9:30 to 10:45 AM and, uh, when it's Mondays and Wednesdays, I'm teaching my own class. A lot of my energy is spent thinking about what the day is, what the time in class is gonna look like. Um, and oftentimes I end up taking an hour break even after I, uh, teach an after even after I TA, but definitely after I teach because it's, you have to, you're kind of performing in a way and you have to be on. And because I'm waking up early and I'm not necessarily eating before I teach, um, because I may be nervous to be in front of my students. Um, I tend to need some downtime before I jump right in to my next project for the day. Um, so yes, Monday through Thursday you can find me on campus, um, in the morning. Now I would say the afternoons are these gaps of time. And so those gaps of time, like say it's 12 to 4:30, um, you can find me finishing my top three or starting my top three and trying to finish them.

So I would like to say that, Oh, it's gaps of time to work on the dissertation, but sometimes it's gaps in time to grade. Um, and screening papers, inputting grades, um, responding to student emails. And then there are, what I've done with myself is put times that I know that I can write during that time. So Mondays from 11 to 1 or 11 or 2, I should say, technically I have my office hours. If I don't have students coming, I have, um, a writing group with two of my friends who graduated the program a couple of years ago where we hop on Google Hangouts and we just say, here's what I'm going to write, or here's what I'm going to do from 11 to 2. Um, let's see, so in the afternoons, on Wednesdays, for example, um, my friend and I, Abiola, we always meet in my cubicle from 12 to two. And it's the same thing. We're in person, but now it's like, okay, here's what I'm gonna work on. Um, and then I have Write away on Wednesday nights. So I know Wednesday is a longer day. Mmm. And even Thursdays you start to get the idea that I have to have either a face in person or online to focus on my work.

Guest: You know, Thursdays are the graduate college holds a writing efficiency workshop where you go in a very quiet room with graduate students who are furiously writing. So I would say I feel my mornings are dedicated to Ta-ing and teaching and my afternoons are dedicated to tasks, grading tasks, writing tasks. Um, if I wanted to give myself a Friday where, you know, Friday afternoon I can just work on my dissertation. Sometimes that happens and sometimes you have to go to department meetings or colloquiums Mmm. Lab meetings. Uh, so I would say that's what a typical Monday through Friday looks like. I would say Saturday's more of an easygoing version of that. Waking up a little later and drinking your coffee slowly and figuring out what are some tasks you can get done for the day. Whereas Sunday, uh, we have Write Away again. And that's like I can have an easy morning and Write Away starts at 2:00 PM my time. So if I wanted to, I don't have to really jump on the computer until 2:00 PM.

What is Top 3? (Dr. Lacy):

Oh, that's awesome. Thank you so much. That was very easy to follow. And I'm over here like I need to step my game up. I am, I need to get my whole life together with my schedule. Um, and you mentioned the top three, um, Oh, this will be fun. How would you, what is the top three? What does this thing you speak of?

Guest: So top three, they are supposed to be tasks that you want to accomplish for the day and they're supposed to be accomplished in 20 minutes or less. Mmm. And they give you direction for the day. What I will say about top three is that, um, depending on what I have to get done for the day, um, like for, for example, one of my top threes today was to write about this, write about the theory. Um, this guy created four different identities adolescents can have. And I was supposed to write about that and I wrote 84 words today and I will say it took me maybe more than 20 minutes. Maybe it took me like an hour, but because that was my top three, um, I was able to evaluate, well after this you only have to call DirecTV. You only have to like do a couple of meetings. So I was able to say I'm going to, I'm going to go longer on this. Um, and so yeah, they, they really just give me a roadmap for the day.

Dr. Lacy: Yeah, that is good. It's awesome. I'm going to use that. Um, so uh, for those who are listening, um I ask folks to identify their top three priorities of the day and they should be three like tests that ideally take you 20 minutes or less to complete each one. However, some days are not like that. At the very minimum it's, it gives you a focus for your day. There's a lot of times we, what we do, we like have a whole like running to do list and the logic is that we'll just start at the top of the list when the top of lists may not be or should not be your priority. Um, and so by doing a top three every day, it helps you to really think, okay, what are the most important things I would have the largest impact on today. Um, and by focusing on that first, you can at least feel accomplished. Like, I got this done, it took me an hour roughly. And then any other time and energy that's left over, you can devote to the rest of your to do list. Um, so that is, there are some episodes on it and I will be sure to put to link in the show notes for folks who would like to know more about it. But in short, that's what that is. So you, Oh...

Guest: I think they're really clear. They're, they're flexible. Because after I was done writing my 84 words, I was like, well, you've had your coffee. You technically have these 10 other sections you can work on. And then I'm like, but the way my top three set up that those sections are not on there. If I feel like I have this energy, then I can maybe make some notes or move some stuff around but I can put that on my list for another day.

Dr. Lacy: Absolutely. That's a great point. Um, cause this week I have been doing, I have to do, I've been talking to myself and catching myself cause I'm one of those people who are like, Oh this I just popped in my head. I can do that and I'll bend in every plan that I have. Um, and so I have like this running list on the side of my planner for stuff like that. I'm like, you go over here, I will plan you next week. Um, so yeah, thank you for mentioning that. Um, it also listening to your week, you're very intentional about, you know, you said like I just need a face or someone to do work. However, like a lot of people attempt to have writing groups and you have several writing groups. Like, what is the process like you have the one with the two folks who graduated already. What is that like? And then how do you compare that to the group with Abiola? Um, in like, you know, cause a lot of people will say like, I have a hard time either finding people to work with or if we do decide to work together, someone ends up not being as committed or dedicated and then it like falls apart. So I don't know any wisdom lessons from that.

Guest: So I will say that before I started all these writing groups, I've been in the same women of color writing group for four years at our writing skills improvement center on campus. Um, and it's, you know, it's free to us and we meet twice a month for two hours. And that taught me to, that format was more, maybe you each get 20 minutes to read through a section. Your people are providing notes, asking you questions, give any feedback or clarity content. And so having that core group of women that became friends, that's how I met Abiola. Um, but I took that format and no, let me back up. So I had that for the last couple of years. It's been a saving grace. Um, and then it overlaps with, with when I came across you as a dissertation coach because what I, what I observed was that the dissertation coach is an extension of what already what I already know works for me. People having your back, people giving you constructive feedback, affirming you. Um, so Mmm. You know, then then that even though I had the writing group twice a month on campus, I now had Write away, um, Wednesdays and Sundays. And because of Write, away I, I actually went to my two friends and we said, you know, this semester let's get together online.

We've been talking about it. We would do it sporadically over the spring. So I get why people can have an issue cause it's like maybe do it one or two times and folks get busy. But I think we were more intentional of K, let's really look at our schedules and see what times work. And we had to go back and forth for a while to figure out what times work folks were in different time zones. But when we finally found our time, um, that meeting over the internet, it became a habit. Whereas if there was a Monday that we couldn't meet cause someone was busy, someone was sick, it was like dang, we haven't had our Monday meetup. Like that feels weird. That's the only time we can see each other kind of. Um, and then I would say with, um, with Abiola almost a year ago, we just sort of, um, I had my cubicle in my office and I was just like, Hey, I have a space. Like I have a space, you can have a chair there, there's room for you. I have a mini fridge. Um, we would get together and kind of stay, um, when the sun went down, you know, it'd be dark out. But that was a time to get together and sometimes just work on tasks. Like, maybe it's me grading, but for me, I know that it would be helpful if I'm on campus at 8:00 PM grading a little bit versus if I'm at home and I might want to like sit on the couch, which might not always work out. Um, and I honestly, I would say throughout every, all those experiences I created friends. So I would say like Biola and I started in our writing group on campus, but then we became friends really where we're meeting outside of campus now, um, with Write away. Like there are other folks in right away who are at the U of a where I'm like, Oh, I'm seeing you every week. Um, now I know when I see you on campus, like that's a friend because I, you know, we talk, we check in with each other at Write away. Yeah.

Dr. Lacy: And you see each other. I mean, you see someone twice a week. I, you, it's like we're family at this point, right? Like, cause I mean, I'm thinking like the conversations we have sometimes and right away, like they're, they're going beyond the dissertation.

Guest: Um, when I'm in San Diego, I want to see what Khalia is up to if I go there.

Coaching Expectations (Dr. Lacy):

Yeah. Awesome. Um, so then since we're there, it's like a natural transition to talk about, um, you know, I know that like Abiola's how you found out about me, right? I mean you still have to make a decision to work with a dissertation coach and you know, people have, you know, objections about it and opinions, particularly if they have not personally experience working with a dissertation coach. And so I'm curious to know a little bit more about why did you decide to work with me and um similar to the PhD question, like what were your expectations and how has that evolved over time now with us working together?

Guest: That's a good question. So like looking at my timeline, I want to say about starting June, um, I was looking for a new advisor and, um, my friend Abiola had pretty much had already come in contact with you and um, had set everything up. Um, so I started to hear, um, hear your name and what a dissertation coach is. Um, every so often, Um, and like honestly, like one thing that I remember seeing was like this GIF, it was like a Beyonce GIF. It was in like one of your emails I think to sort of welcome people.

Dr. Lacy: I love a good beyonce gif.

Guest: But, um, so, okay. So, I am just looking for a new advisor and it's summer. Summer for graduate students, you’re really supposed to capitalize on summer. Yes. You're supposed to rest. And um, summer is a time to make some plans. Well, without an advisor, I was in this, um, in between phase and, um, I sort of was panicking a little bit like, great, like, what am I going to with my summer to, to get me to where I need to get this would kind of be a waste of time. Uh, that's how I was feeling without advisor. I felt like I didn't have any direction. Um, I felt alone like, Oh my God, I'm have to do this by myself. Mmm. So that's how I was feeling. And when I started to hear about the dissertation coach you, um, I just, just asking questions to my friend like, Oh, what are, like, what is your week look like with her? Like what are these modules? Um, and that was something that drew me into, cause I was like, Oh, modules, that's like the university kind of model that we use to like, Mmm, what does it connect with our students? So the modules at your own pace. One of the things that really was like another selling point for me was this idea of you're going to work an hour a week, um, like reading, jotting down notes, and then Sunday at some point or Saturday you're going to like combine everything you read and you wrote and put together a final product. Um, that was really appealing to me. Mmm. Because like I'm always looking to improve my system of how I write. Hmm. And then the writing groups, again, I was already familiar with writing groups, like this didn't sound too radical. Um, it was like, Oh, I know those work for me. So, I know we've talked about it before, but one of the things that I was a little hesitant on, um, before, before getting a dissertation coach was this idea of what does it mean to invest in myself and you know, maybe I can do it on my own or, you know. Yeah. It was just this idea of like, what does it really mean to invest in yourself? And invest in your education. And when I finally decided that, no, I need this, I'm going to invest in it, this is an investment. Um, then I came in and, let's see, so I came in with understanding the, what I was going to get, what the expectations were. But I will say I probably didn't start write away til August just because I was traveling and you and I have worked that out. Um, and it was, it was, it met my expectations because I started this writing group and it was like, we're going to do introductions and we're going to check in. We're going to laugh, which I love. That's one of the, one of the greatest things that I love about writing groups. It's like, it's not just, hi, what's your goal today? It's like, what have you been up to? Um, and I love when it's in a container cause we don't, I don't want to go two hours just checking in, you have to, write. That's what we're here for. Um, but it met my Write away, met my expectations above and beyond because not only was I having this support group, I was getting to know people, new people. I was hearing other people like hearing their struggles and as well as hearing their triumphs too. But I was like, okay, I'm not alone in this. Like, you know, here's how, how folks have navigated their experiences with their advisors. Um, so that, that's been one of my, my greatest, um, how do i say it say?

Guest: My just like, like, I dunno, I think I'm thinking of the word like treasure. Like, yes, I found this. Um, and yeah, I think with, with writing, with having a dissertation coach, I, I was challenged in really good ways to talk about my research and make those executive decisions of what do you want? Do you want to graduate, or do you want your, this project to look like X, Y, and Z? And that's important for me cause I, I would've been doing it in a whole other project than I'm doing now if I hadn't had that conversation with your dissertation coach to reinforce like, okay, what's your goal if this is your goal, here's what this, this and this should look like. Mmm. And then with writing feedback, I will say, and I know this is a long winded response, but I'll end on this. Feedback, it's something that I've had a really hard relationship with, um, in my experience with, I will say with faculty, um, you know, it runs the gamut and maybe it's no feedback. Maybe it's harsh feedback, which I tried to say, well, maybe they're not there at a time and this is all they can give me.

Um, I mean I've had people go into my documents and just like rewrite a section and I'm like, okay, well I guess I have to leave it that way since they rewrote it. Um, I've had folks, I've had faculty say in their feedback to me, did you write this? This doesn't sound like your previous writing, like backhand, you know, backhanded comments like, this is really good, but did you write this cause it's not what you, how you usually write. It's like, no, like I did write that don't accuse me of pla, like, don't accuse me of plagiarism. So I've had a really contentious relationship with you that I didn't understand what feedback is supposed to look like. And then when I started getting feedback from you, I think I even asked like, how do you give feedback? Like I just want it to warned. And the feedback was just, yes, okay, I see what you're writing and here's what you're missing, here's what you need to add in. So it's been, it's gotten me to such a better space with feedback than I ever was before.

Dr. Lacy: Wow. I'm just, wow. Um, yeah, I just, I'm shocked, I guess, um, that folks would even do that. I mean, not sur. I'm not surprised and I'm still shocked. Um, that's awful. And sorry that like you have some people out here who just, I dunno, they forget to be human is the only way I could think of it. They think that they think it's coming from a place of care and it's just a lot of harm and violence. Um, yeah. And I'm glad that you were, you know, open to like the um, like working with me and me giving you the feedback and everything. Um, so yeah, I don't know. I'm just, I'm just like processing.

Guest: And listen it helped me reimagine what feedback looks like. I also understand how I then need to give feedback when that time comes.

Sharing wisdom (Dr. Lacy):

Yeah. Wow. Thank you for sharing. Um, if anyone was on the fence about either working with a coach, whether it's me or not and/or, um, you know, they are, they want to work with me or they want to join Write away. Like what, what would you say to them if they were like nervous about it? They were on a fence. Any words of encouragement or wisdom?

Guest: That's a really good question. So I, I would say for folks who really value that community and it works for them and I mean who doesn't love to be in spaces that are supportive and also, um, fun too and, and positive then particularly in particular, like Write away it's going to be beneficial. Um, because of those aspects. And I'm speaking from my perspective of course, for dissertation coach and working one on one with a dissertation coach. Um, for me, I, I would encourage you to sort of look at your experiences if you've been in the game for a few years and evaluate like what has worked for you and what hasn't and what is realistically available. Everyone wants a supportive advisor, you know, that's present, that isn't stretched thin. Um, and the reality is, um, people are busy. Um, you're not the only student which often like that was what I was up against. Like I'm not the only student. You have other priorities. And, um, so if you, if you think of the, about the, the realistic available options and you know that that's for whatever reason, not going to be available to you. Um, then investing in a dissertation, dissertation coach, it's going to supplement and I would say even fill, um, what the, those things that you should be getting but you're not. Because you should be getting support, you should be getting feedback. Um, but the reality is sometimes it doesn't work out that way. Um, even with my, my current advisor, great feedback, great, great, great feedback. And I have to take into account my, my own, my own thinking process about it is they give great feedback and I'm not the only student, so I just want to cross all my T's dot all my I's and know that, um, I'm investing in, in a dissertation coach that's going to get me where I want to go. And I it's like for me, how I look at it now, it's, I'm trying to explain it. How I look at it now is like, I know I'm doing everything I can now to get me this degree. Like I'm at that place because I deserve it. I deserve to get that degree and I'm working for it. And like my partner said, like, whatever we need to do to get you to graduate, like we're going to do. And so for me, this is like me, having my own back and like giving myself the gift to be like, all right, you need help here, let me introduce you to this network.

Coaching Costs (Dr. Lacy):

Yeah. That's beautiful. Thank you. Um, and then as one last question, I promise we'll move on. Um, how would you answer? So a lot of people are like, the objection is I don't have the money for this. Why does it cost so much? She's like, I don't what? Um, yeah. So any thoughts about that?

Guest: I mean, I feel like I have just really basic thoughts of like, listen, I love a payment plan and that's going to have to work and also for folks who can have this as an option, but not only do I love a good payment plan. Okay, I have a credit card. And that's the way I'm going to figure it out. Um, and, and it's like, I know it's hard, but it's like where else can I maybe cut corners a little bit with, um, other things to like afford having a dissertation coach and I, it's easier said than done, but I know that today I called DirecTV, it was part of my top three and I was like, I can't afford $50 a month. So you got anything cheaper? No. Okay, well I'm going to cancel. Thank you. You know? Um, and so it's, it's also like for, for folks who are lucky enough to even get, um, like a stipend. Like, I know I get a lump sum in the, um, beginning of the semester of like my stipend, um, or like of my scholarships I want, anytime I get my scholarship money or my like financial aid, I'm like, okay, like you can go to the eye doctor, go to the dentist and here's money to pay off my credit card.

Dr. Lacy: Yeah. Thank you. Um, absolutely. Um, I know people are like, what? And like, if, you know you'd need something, right, why would you do whatever you could to get it. And for me, It's not about that. I'm just trying to over here make a quick buck cause that's not it either. I like, I know how helpful it is and I know I'm soon over these past two, three years, people go from feeling completely like I could just leave this PhD and is just this degree and it's not going to happen to like graduating and all of that transformation happening in a semester. Um, and, and so I see the benefit of it. Um, and I just tell people all the time, like, if you knew something was going to help you, why wouldn't you do everything to invest in yourself? But that's a whole bigger conversation and maybe I need to do like a whole like podcast episode on that. But thank you so much for your honesty and your candor.

Guest: My goal is that when I'm making good amount of money, when I actually have a job, i'm going to put money aside, a little like foundation to be like give money to people who want a dissertation coach.

Dissertation topic (Dr. Lacy):

Oh, that's so sweet. yes. Um, okay. So I think I was about to ask you, tell us a little bit about your um, dissertation.

Guest: Yes. Okay. So do you want, should I start on my topic first? Yeah. Okay. So I'm working on my dissertation proposal and for the last eight years I've always been interested in understanding the life experiences of children, of incarcerated parents and for my dissertation I'm taking that same concept and I'm focusing in on adolescent girls of color. I am really interested in how, you know, Black, Brown, Indigenous Girls of Color navigate the adolescent development, excuse me, adolescent developmental time period, um, as they're experiencing their loved one's incarceration. So whether it's that they have a mom or a dad who's incarcerated, a grandparent, an uncle, a sibling, just because mass incarceration has really impacted, um, so many children, youth and families. So, um, I will say that my work has always been informed, um, by my own experience. So I actually consider myself a directly impacted scholar. So I'm also directly impacted by parental incarceration. And as a scholar I do use, um, I do draw on my own experiences to just inform my own thinking, the questions I asked, the theory I use when I think about, um, adolescent girls of color. So for my dissertation, um, what I'm aiming to do is to center the voices of adolescent girls of color. So adolescent girls who are between the ages of 14 to 18, I want to, uh, interview them and collect their counterstories, which is a form of having those of us who are directly impacted, um, who are closest to the problem, if you will, um, have a chance to narrate our own lived experience. Um, just as a way to speak back to other stories that are, that often dominate media and dominate, um, schools really are stories counter to what the dominant story tries to say about us and our families and our loved ones.

Lessons Learned (Dr. Lacy):

Um, that's, I mean that sounds really powerful. Absolutely. Can't wait to read. I mean, I know I've been reading drafts, but I'm like, I just pulled her away to read. Like once you do data collection and you know, and just see how you even change and like the connections you make about your own experience and it's going to be extremely powerful. Um, yeah. What, um, what would you say you've learned about yourself so far throughout this process?

Guest: I think I've relearned that if I set my mind to something, I'm going to get it done. And I say re-learned because I forgot that for a moment, for a couple of years there. Um, I've relearned that I'm really resilient and I've relearned that, um, how important it is for, you know, for me to do what I'm doing. Um, just because I've worked with young girls of color and I do know how they feel when someone is in their lives, who looks like them, who's had the same experience as them. Um, they've told me how that makes them feel. Um, so I've also relearned that, um, this idea that as a directly impacted scholar, there is a saying that, um, you know, those who are us are directly impacted. We are closest to the problem and we are also then should be the ones who are closest to the solution. But oftentimes we are furthest away from the resources that's from Glenn Martin. And that speaks the truth because, um, I, I have experienced the problem and I have some ideas about some solutions and there's been a lot of times where those resources haven't been there for me to ask these questions, to think through these concepts. Um, and so I've really had to relearn the power in that statement.

Connect (Dr. Lacy):

So as we wrap up, thank you so much. Um, yeah, for like telling us so much about your experience and being open and honest with us. Um, if folks have like any questions, um, that they want to follow up about anything that you shared here, what would be the best way for them to connect with you?

Guest: Oh, that's a really good question. I'm happy to connect on Instagram. My handle is my first name, so alexandriasarissa. So that's my first and last name and Sarissa is S A R I S S A. So Alexandriasarissa, excuse me, is my Instagram handle. And then I'm trying to get more, um, better at using Twitter. So if folks want to follow me on Twitter, um, you can find me at @survivingthrivingmujer. So M, U, J, E R, so that's surviving thriving mujer or @SarissaP.

Dr. Lacy: Awesome. And that will also be linked down in the show notes. Well thank you so much and that's gonna do it for today's show.

Dr. Lacy: Thank you for joining in for today's office hours. Make sure you come on Instagram and tag me @MarvetteLacy, let me know what your thoughts were on today's episode. Until next time, do something to show yourself some love. I'll talk to you next week. Bye for now.