Episode 68: Protect Your Peace At All Costs

Introduction: 

Hey friend, the time has come to finish your dissertation, graduate and become doctor. Welcome to office hours with Dr. Lacy where we talk about how to finally master this time management thing so you can stay on top of it without losing your mind. Every Wednesday you can find a new episode wherever you listen to podcasts, make sure you hit the subscribe button to make sure you never miss an episode. I'm Dr. Marvette Lacy your dissertation writing strategist here to be with you along every step of the way. I would like to thank you for coming to today's office hours. Let's get started on today's episode. Hey, how's writing going? I know you don't like the question, but let me tell you, when you join the finish your dissertation program, you will love that question. Clients often report feeling excited and joyful to go into their process even before they even get to the dissertation process, and that's what I'm inviting you to do. I'm inviting you to come inside the group and join us so that you can get the structure you need and the tools that will help you to show up consistent and disciplined in your process. All you need to do is come on over to Marvette lacy.com/apply and sign up for the wait list and you will be the first notified when doors are open. See you soon.

Welcome back everyone to a new week. I, you know, I don't know what's going on. I don't know what time it is. I don't know what day it is. You know, I'm just at that point in my quarantine experience where it's just every day is just the same. And now that the world is on fire literally and figuratively, you know, I'm just here. I'm just here drinking my water, minding my business. And I encourage you to do the same, okay, because today's episode is all about my core message that I've been preaching for the past few weeks, protect your peace at all costs. Now, if you are on my email list, you would have gotten all of this goodness in your box already. If you're not on my email list what, what are you doing? What's going on? What's happening. You need to be on the list. Um, you can go to marvettelacy.com to get on that list, but I've been doing my best to do my part in terms of helping people throughout this time with everything that's going on. And I just really want to encourage everyone to as much as possible, do what you need to do to take care of yourself and protect your peace.

Please Protect Your Peace!: 

I'm going to go into some more details about what I mean by that. And some things you can do but I just if you take nothing else from today's episode, please, please, please take care of yourself because you are no good to no one, I know you've heard this in many iterations before you are no good to anyone else, if you do not take it care of yourself, how can you give something to someone else that you don't have? So protect your peace. You're going to hear, sir eating in the background. But y'all know how that goes. I'm going to read some of the emails that I've been read. I've written to you all. And I understand that not everyone receives the emails and you with everything going on. Understandably so you maybe, hadn't had a chance to even read them. And so I've been having a lot of powerful, amazing conversations with folks who have read the emails who have been responding back. And I mean, it's been wonderful. And so I wanted to share some of the emails with you today, just to give you some food for thought as the people say.

So the first one that I sent to people about this idea about protect your peace at all costs was this. The world has gone to shit right now. I have been oscillating between rage, love, and sadness. I've been taking the time and space I need to feel the feels. I have called out Black and did things to fill me up. My motto is simply protect your peace at all costs, but I also want to be of service to you. I want to help you. Why? Because we're not meant to do life alone. Yes, even in a crisis So I'll be hanging out now in the qualitative dissertations made simple Facebook group, which side note if your not in that group friend, what are you doing? Get it in the group. I'm there to serve you in any way that I can. And I ask that you join there every day. We will be talking about and deciding how to protect our peace. We talk about also how to keep moving forward. Even when we feel like we have nothing else to give and we will be there to support one another. So that was the first introduction of come on. We have community because we are, I honestly mean that we are not meant to do life alone.

We Need People More Than Ever Before:

And during times like this, we may feel the urge to want to like close ourselves off from the world and isolate as a form of protection. Right now, though, more than ever, we need people. We need people who we love, who we trust, who we know has our back. We need to be around those people. And when everything with quarantine and protesting and wherever you may be right now in the world, there may be different circumstances that prevent you from being, seeing the people you love in real life and being able to touch them and hold them. And I still want to encourage you that as much as possible to call them, spend time with them on zoom, spend time with them in whatever way that you can still have some level of connection with them because it's important, even though it may not be the in person connection that you would like it to be. It's still some form of connection. So even if it's the Facebook group, because we're over there to, to support you, I just encourage you be around people who support and have your back.

What's The Point?:

So what's the point.Put down your phone, stop using your Twitter fingers. Be done with the educating and the calling out. Not that I don’t think these things are helpful in themselves. Right now, self-preservation is key. How are you practicing self preservation? One major way is to stop trying to convince people to be better. Yep. I said that. Stop trying to convince people. The way to lasting change is when the person makes a decision to do it for them. I know you think that if people have more information than they would do better, we can only learn to be better and do better when we are open to that learning. What's the point to try and force someone to do something that they clearly are not interested in doing. What is your goal there?

You know, you people, the ones going back and forth on Facebook and you're going back and forth with family, and you're trying to force them to do something like there's a difference in having a conversation with someone and trying to see each other's sides. Do when you are trying to force someone to see it your way, you really have to stop in that moment and ask yourself, what is the point? What is my real goal? Do I remember that I love this person. Do I remember that learning takes time? Do I remember that I didn't always have it. I was always quote, unquote, woke. Those are the questions that you want to be reflective of in the moment. Instead, I encourage you to go inward and identify what work you may need to do for yourself. What are some things you need more information on? What are some practices you need to interrogate? How may you need to acknowledge the ways in which you were socialized within white supremacy? Why? Because when you can recognize the socialization and see the ways that white supremacy impacts your life, then you're in a better position to change it and do something differently.

Practice Self-Preservation: 

Right now, your work may simply be to practice self-preservation. In my experience, this is the most challenging work of all is challenging because when you're in the moment and you're going back and forth with someone, because you really know, like you really deeply feel that how you think and how you feel is the right way. And you just wish that the other person on the other side of the conversation got it. And you start to fight and hold on so tightly to how you see things that you miss a lot of opportunities that you would have helped, that person understand from a place of giving from a place of service, from a place of, we're both trying to learn from each other, but when you're coming from a place of righteousness and pride, and I know better, that does not help anyone in that conversation do better or know better.

So I really want you to be able to stop in the moment and ask yourself, why are you going back and forth with people on social media? Why aren't you going back and forth at the dinner table, constantly giving up your good energy and you are the one frustrated and angry and all of those things. Now, I'm not saying that you shouldn't have conversations with people. I'm asking you to examine from which energy are you having these conversations from. And that may be right now because everything is so heightened that the best thing or the best decision you can make for yourself is to practice self-preservation. That means you are protecting yourself and your peace for survival so that you can live so that you can have something for later, because we know that this is not a one conversation or one decision thing and then we're done.

This is something that's going to be ongoing. It's been going on for years and will continue to go on. And you have to ask yourself, will you have the energy, the health, the well-being, to see this thing through. I'm sure that you have goals and you want to change the world, right? But if you get so energetically tied to every discussion that you have with someone who is doing some fuck shit, then you're not going to have anything for yourself. You're not going to be well. And you're definitely not going to have anything to give for the ways in which you want to change the world. So what is one thing that you can do today in the name of self preservation? What can you do for yourself to protect your peace today?

Doing The Work: 

And then this last email that I'll leave you with for today is titled doing the work. Everyone has a role. Everyone will not be on the front lines. Everyone will not be the loudest voice or the leader at the front. Everyone will not have a plan on how to move forward. That's all, okay. You still have a role. You still have influence. You still have agency. Here's the thing. We are not using our roles, influence our agency to force people, to think, be, or act in the ways we think they should. We are going to use our roles, influence and agency, to be an example of what's possible. We will show ourselves and others what's possible in the name of hope and change. When we show up as our best selves, I get it. You are tired. You have no energy to show up at your best. I tell you, I feel you. Here's the thing though, like the tiredness will not go away from you simply isolating and being apathetic to what's going on.

You could sleep for years and years and years, and still will be tired when you wake back up again, because the tiredness has nothing to do with you resting or sleeping. Tiredness means that you have turned inward in a spirit of woe is me. Revolution requires us to focus on the collective. Renewed energy comes from purpose and hope for the collective meaning we need each other. I am because we are. Where can you have purpose and hope for the community in this moment? Protect your peace means that you take care of yourself in order to continue to be in service of others. Protect your peace does not mean you burn yourself out for others. Protect your peace means to be an example of what's possible in the fight for liberation. How can you be an example of what's possible in your roles, influence, and agency in order to spread hope and purpose for yourself and others? I know it's a big question that can really be answered with a small answer. Just think about it. What is one thing you can do today to be an example of what's possible, protect your peace and help others help lead others to liberation?

Final Thoughts: 

That is going to do it for today's episode. Next week, I'll be sharing some more emails because I wrote a lot of them. And I felt like they were really good, because again, and you all told me they were really good and that it helped you to process things. But y'all the fight for liberation, this we're just getting started, and I want you to be there. I want you to see this thing through, learn from our ancestors, take care of yourself. They didn't have the information that we have on this side of things. We know we need to take care of ourselves and practice self preservation. So that is what I will leave You leave you with this week and, and I will talk with you next week. Bye for now,

Join Finish Your Dissertation!: 

Hey, you ready to take this work further? Then it's time for you to join the finish your dissertation program. Finally get the tools, resources, and structure. You need to show up consistent and disciplined in your process. All you need to do is come on over to MarvetteLacy.com/apply and join the finish your dissertation wait list. I'll see you there. Bye for now. Thanks. Thank you for joining in for today's office hours. Make sure you come on Instagram and tag me at Marvette Lacy. Let me know what your thoughts were on today's episode until next time. Do something to show yourself some love. I'll talk to you next week. Bye for now.