Episode 56: The Importance of Finding your Community During Dissertation

Introduction: 

Hey friend, the time has come to finish your dissertation, graduate and become doctor. Welcome to office hours with Dr. Lacy where we talk about how to finally master this time management thing so you can stay on top of it without losing your mind. Every Wednesday you can find a new episode wherever you listen to podcasts. Make sure you hit the subscribe button to make sure you never miss an episode. I'm Dr. Marvette Lacy, your dissertation writing strategist here to be with you along every step of the way and I would like to thank you for coming to today's office hours. Let's get started on today's episode. Hey, before we get in today's episode, I want to let you know about finish your dissertation. Do you know about it? It is my signature group designed to take you from being candidate to doctor. I'm talking about getting the structure you need in your dissertation process so that you can show up every week consistently and focused on achieving your dissertation goals. We meet on a weekly basis to really make sure that you're maximizing your time and that you know the exact activities you need to focus on to move your dissertation forward and best of all the community is the best thing out there. I mean, we're talking students who are dedicated, who are supportive, who will hold you accountable when you need it, crushing their dissertation goals . So if this sounds like anything that you would be interested in and you could use a little bit more focus and accountability in your dissertation process, then you need to come on over to Marvettelacy.com and learn more about the finish your dissertation group? Also, you can schedule your next step call while you're there so that we can have one on one time to talk and discuss skill your dissertation in your needs to make sure that finish your dissertation is going to be a good fit for you. Again, you can go over to Marvettelacy.com to learn more. Now let's get on to today's episode.

Engage In A Scholar Community: 

Hello. Today we are going to talk about the importance of engaging in a scholar community. So if you've been listening to the podcast from the beginning of this year, 2020 is the year that this is being recorded in, you would have noticed that I was doing a series about how to start your dissertation and I talked about the importance of developing a scholar mindset. So getting your mind in a place where you can show up and do the work that you want to do in a way that you want to do it. I also talked about the importance of developing a scholar. Routine meaning that you plan your life intentionally, you plan your dissertation and you plan to care for yourself and to take care of yourself so that you can show up and perform in a way that you want to. And the third piece that we're going to talk about, which is really the theme for April, is the importance of engaging in a scholar community.

April = Community & Connection: 

I am going to be talking about community and connection all of April because that is how important it is to not only the dissertation process, but just in life in general as humans, we are not meant to be alone. We are not meant to do life alone at all and what can be often the most challenging part for people in a dissertation process is this transition from you've been going to class every week, you've been in class with other people. It doesn't matter if you, you thought of yourself as being really close to those people relationally. It's still the act of going into a space and you're with other people. There's a connection that is still there. Even if it was an online space, there's still someone there. You still have the expectation. You're going to see someone, you're going to listen to other people, discuss the content in the class and you're going to listen to them, how they think about it and the instructor and how they think about and how they have designed the class to have the structure of read this, write this, do this, get this grade, and then you go from that for all of your school life to now writing, whether it's your exams or your dissertation, now you're alone, right?

You're alone. Meaning, not that you're lonely but you're alone and that you're not in this container anymore where you're around other people who are engaging in the same material as you and that you get to hear their thoughts and you get to connect with them essentially around this shared topic. Now it's you and at best it's you and your committee, but they're not engaged in it. Your committee that is, they're not engaged in it probably in the same ways that you are because it is your dissertation and so a lot of times people, they have a difficult time sitting down to write and they think like, Oh, I just need a schedule. I just need to get organized or I just need to, you know, get clear. Yes, all of those things are important and you need people. People are going to make the difference in how you show up in your dissertation. The progress you make, who you are as a researcher and scholar community is everything. And so that is why I'm going to be focusing a whole whole, whole month on it. I want to talk to you a little bit, like the difference I've seen it make for me. So in the beginning of my doctoral experience, the first two years really I did not have a strong community around me and a lot of the relationships that I did have were transitioning to a different place. I perceived at the time as it was a distancing and that I was losing relationships, that they were really just transitioning to something else because circumstances had changed for me, for them. And we were just trying to figure out how to like renegotiate our relationships. But at that time I felt pretty much alone and lonely and um, I felt like I didn't have anyone who understood and I felt like my cohort members and my class mates and other doc students just didn't understand what it was that I was going through and that we couldn't relate to each other or that they didn't want to relate to me.

Whatever the stories were that I was making up. It was very real for me at that time. And I saw how I showed up in the class or not. I didn't, I wasn't showing up, Sure, I would go to class, but I wasn't really there. I wasn't present. I was really stuck in this in the cycle of everyone here is smarter than me. I don't belong here. Clearly they made a mistake. I mean the instructor pretty much told me, so a lot of, you know my story about academic being on academic probation that first year, that first semester and coming out of that and I just was finding it very difficult to find my place in my program and find my people. And so my grades reflected that. My experience reflected that and I just towards that second year while things were getting better in terms of academics, I still just wasn't showing up in who I was.

Taking Responsibility For How We Show Up: 

Like I think about how I showed up in my assistantships and just how I felt and not to say like it was all on me. I'm taking responsibility for my thinking and for my reactions because that's all we can do at the end of the day is take responsibility for how we're showing up. And I just think like if I would've had people around me that I felt comfortable with and safe enough with that, I could have been able to identify some of those things more quickly and to address them. And how I know that is because my third year is when my community started to build back up and I started, when I started to take more responsibility for how I was showing up and do that work, I started to re-engage with people and started to spend more time with people and then it started to more so point out things that I wasn't even aware of and I started to show up different.

Your Community Will Get You Together: 

I started to get more involved. I found my place in the program. I found my people, even if I was still like I'm over the program cause I was, I was like I don't need this degree anymore. Having those people around me to show me a mirror, if you will, made me really question thoughts and beliefs are like who do I want to be? How do I want to show up? Why am I doing this dissertation? Why am I still in this program? What is the impact that I want to have on the world around me? And a lot of those experiences in my third and my fourth year of my doctoral program has led me to this business, led me to this podcast and the way I think about what it means to finish a dissertation and to engage in research and scholarship comes from those two years and it's being in a group of Black women who can snatch your edge is like no other. Who could do so in the most loving and supportive way. Um, and essentially they were just like, I'm not entertaining your mess. I'm not entertaining that we are graduating, we are doing dissertations. You need to get on board because there is no other option. And so I appreciate that essentially being around this group of women who are like, get it together. You don't, you don't have the option of not finishing you're finishing. So when they like come to your door and they're like, get in the car,we're doing this or writing this, we're writing right now.

Community is a Noun: 

Eventually you just like, I guess we're writing right now because you are the people you hang around. And so the people around you are like, ma'am, let's do this. You're going to, you do that. And that is why I tell people it is so, so, so important for you to find community during your dissertation process. Because if you want to finish, I could tell you like usually for the students who I could tell like they got this, they're gonna do it. Are the people, it's not because they had this, this cool complicated planning system or they have all these cute journals. No, it's because they have people and the type of people they have around them. I'm like, Oh yeah, this is in the bag and of course I can help you with the other things like the content and like how do I design my dissertation? That's like 10% but people, I feel like people are like 70 80% of whether or not you will be successful. That's where we're talking about. That was my long way of introducing the topic. But you know, I like to define, define words. So community. It's a noun. It's a, it's a feeling of fellowship with others according to the Googles as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests and goals. So a fellowship with others, a feeling of fellowship with others. You have common attitudes so you, you have similar ways of thinking about things, philosophies around things, interests and goals. You all have the goal of finishing your dissertation, which is big in itself, but when you can share in the way that you approach research and how you think about research, how you think about what means to show up for research and show up for your dissertation and your philosophy around that. When you can make those things match in those areas, it's gold, its gold, its gold. So my whole point in this episode is to get you some people, okay? Some people, I'm sure you've probably heard this African proverb, if you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together, go together. We need people. If you're anything like me, the thought that I had to constantly like battle and even now I'm in the business world is I can do this on my own.

How To Fully Receive Help: 

I don't need help. Right. Coming from a space where I was socialized to say you have to be independent and you have to figure it out on your own because not everyone's going to be helpful and not everyone cares about you and you shouldn't trust people, which I get why I was socialized that way. My parents just wanted to protect me and they wanted me to be able to make it in this world. The other probably unintended consequence of that is then, um, so if I'm so used to being like, no, I need to figure it out on my own, I can't trust you, then I'm also closed off from receiving support when people actually want to show up to help me. And a lot of us are not used to one asking for help or if we do ask for it, we don't want to receive it. So we may like, you know, get to the point where like, I mean I guess I'll ask you, but when people try to show up, you're like, I dunno, it's a trick. You want something from it. Like we get very skeptical of it and we're not used to just like receiving the help or if we do receive it, we're like, I'm need to do something to get you back or I need to do something, I need to pay you. I need to. And it just constantly becomes this cycle of we're giving, giving, giving because we don't know how to receive and we don't know how to sit and receiving. And so we're all just walking around trying to give to everyone else, to people who don't want to take it. Very fascinating. I've heard people say like, you know, I've been there, I've asked people before, but people don't show up for me.

Teach People How To Help You:

Like I show up for them or I work better when I'm alone or I can't make friends who get me. And while those may be true for you, I'm asking how much are you willing to put in the effort to get what it is that you need? How much effort are you expecting people to read your mind? Are you expecting people to just show up in the way that you show up? Cause that's how you show up and the whole world should show up that way. Are you being respectful and thoughtful of folks time and capacity when you're asking them for help? Are you being clear when ask for help. So it's not enough just to say I need help, but we need very clear instructions on how to show up for people. Right? This whole like you teach people how to treat you or you have to teach people how to help you, you gotta take ownership of that. So you can't just expect them to just know, right? You can't just expect people to just do it because that's how you do it. I absolutely believe in it, is my assumption that people do want to help you, especially people who love and care about you. They want to help you. They want to give back to you, but they simply just don't know how, especially our family and friends who have no idea why. Like they just know we're in school and they know there's going to be another graduation but don't quite get it. They still want to help because they want to be a part of your journey cause you're winning. They feel like they're winning and they don't know necessarily how to help. So you know, I wouldn't be me if I didn't give you some sort of reflection exercise. I do want you to take out a piece of paper or take out your phone, like the notes app or something and I really want you to just think about this idea of what are some ways that the people in your life can show up and help you in this moment right now with everything that you have going on, what are some things that they can help you with that you don't have to do, right?

Some ideas could be, is there some way you would like to read over your drafts? Can someone pick up bread from the store from you? Like maybe you needed some bread and that's the only thing you need to go to the store but you don't have the time or you know that would take you way more time than you had to give to go get the bread. Is there someone who can just sit with you while you write for an hour? Like you don't need them to talk to you or anything. You just need someone to sit with you. Is there someone who can call you every Friday and make sure that you went to that yoga class? Right? Is there someone that is really great at APA formatting and you would just love for them to look at your stuff? Like really sit down and take 10 minutes and really think about what are those, those things that you have on your to do list that maybe you keep putting it off or you know that you need to do but you just like, I don't have the time, the energy. Is there someone else that you can say, Hey, Hey friend, can you go to CVS and pick me up some Allegra-D. It, it will feel probably strange in the beginning and people will happily do it one cause you were very clear with them what you wanted them to do. Two, especially if they were already going to go to CVS. Oh absolutely. No problem. Three: like people want to help and so they know like they know what you want them to help with. They know they have an idea of how long it will take and they can tell you yes or no. And I would say that the final piece with this is trusting that people will tell you if they can do it or not. For you not to ahead of time, decide that they're too busy or that they can't do it or they're just saying, yes out of pity just to trust no, they're saying yes because they want to help you.

Are You Willing To Look For Community?: 

Because when you try to decide for them that is too much, or they're doing it out of pity, you're taking away from the gift they're offering you. They want to help you. Like when you do things for people. Is it out of pity? Is it out of like some malicious intent? No, like you're helping people because you genuinely want to help them. We have to practice believing that people genuinely want to help us as well. So if you're like but friend, I don't have community, I don't have community of other doc students or I don't have people who can help me and my dissertation journey, I'm going to say again, how much effort and time are you willing to put into this? How much effort and time are you willing to find those people? So if you're like, well, I've went to all the things in my institution, I can't find them. You may have to go online. There's a million Facebook groups. Okay. About all sorts of things. You can join my Facebook group. Which is qualitative dissertations made simple, right? You can go on Twitter. Academics love Twitter. They live on Twitter. You can find you some people, right? There's a whole bunch of Twitter chats. We have Cite A Sista, we have first-gen docs. We have black in grad school. Like, I mean I'm having people on the podcast to give you that community to show you those different examples, right? People have virtual writing retreats. First Gen Docs does it. I think every month they have an open writing retreat, so if you just need to meet people, there are ways that you are going to have to put in a little bit of effort and you're going to have to, you know, reach out to people.

Join Finish Your Dissertation!: 

Listen, if you take nothing else from this, I just want you to know that you need people, you need community and if you're like, yes I am, I'm feeling you with all of this. I need this in my life, but I wish there was something that gave me everything at once that gave me the people that gave me the structure that I'm missing from showing up in a classroom every day. That helped me with my mindset and my routines and kept me together so that I can finish a dissertation again. Friend, you need to be in my group then. It's called finish your dissertation. It's very simple. The goal is right there is to finish your dissertation. It is a group experience unlike any other. It gives you the structure that you are missing that you had before in your classes. It's giving you that structure inside of your dissertation process so that you can show up consistently every week. And your producing pages every week that you're showing up to your office hours with your chair, with something every week. That is how I designed it. I designed the program, the group experience that I needed and that I see so many of my clients needing during their dissertation experience. That's what I designed it for. So here it is. It is. Every month we sit down and say, what is going to be our goals for the next 30 days? I do 30 30 day goals because it's enough time for you to see progress, but it's not so much time that you get all the way off in the weeds. No, we are about making real consistent progress in the moment. What are your goals for the next 30 days? What do you need to do in order to achieve it? We break it all down and it's not complicated.

It's not taking you hours to figure it out. We're breaking it down and then you show up every week. We plan out every week so that you can show up to accomplish those things that you brainstorm. And the way that you show up is that we have two working sessions every week. We have it on Sundays and Wednesdays and you show up the first hour, their three hours sessions. The first hour is all about, okay, where are you currently in your process? Where are you at in your goals? What do you need to do today? And for the remainder of the week to hit that goal to get closer to finishing that goal. And then you have two hours of actual work time to work on that, right? So it takes care of like, when am I going to write? You have two sessions, like who's going to keep me accountable? We are, because when you go ghost and you go missing, we come find you. Where are you? Why haven't we seen your face? You know the snatching of the edges, we come find you because we need you to be there. You got to do the work in order to get to your goals and we're not leaving anybody behind. So we come look for you. There's teams and there's editors in the group that as you're writing on, you're working on things and you need someone to review it before you send it over to your chair, to someone. They're ready to do that for you. They will look over it, they will give you feedback, they will help you process things out so that you can feel confident in submitting your drafts to your chair. So we do that twice a week. We plan out the weeks out. Every Sunday we plan, we check in, we do a mid-week check in on Wednesday and people are doing so much in those six hours alone. They're getting so much done that they're not even getting done in a month, but they haven't gotten done in a semester prior to joining the group.

Right. It's cause we're helping you plan, we're helping you. You have structured show up and write and then there's people there to help you talk things out. Plus every month there's a coaching call with yours truly where I'm all up in your business like, okay, so you've been making progress and I see you when your plans, because we have a private Facebook group and we asked people to post their plan and their thoughts and reflections there, and it's also a great place in case you have questions for the team meetings, but every month I'm like, okay, so I've been seeing this, this and this. You've been doing this. Let's really let me get in your business to help you level up your progress because I want you to be better. I can see things that you can't see because I'm looking from the outside in, right? I'm not in the process as much as you are in your own process. I can see things and I can draw on my own experience and experience of clients and whatnot and really share with you things that I've learned along the way, especially for my mistakes and help you avoid some of those same things. Plus, if you have questions like technical questions about qualitative research or about what's included in a dissertation or exactly how do I write chapter three, I am there to answer those questions as well and that is what this group is.

Schedule Your Next Step Call: 

It is a monthly experience, it's a monthly membership and so if this sounds of interest to you at all, you need to schedule your next step call. A next step call is a 30 minute call just between you and me and I get to learn more about you and about your dissertation and it's really meant to see if you would be a good fit for the group and if I would be a good fit as your coach. And so I'm also there to answer any questions that you have about the program. So the way that you go and schedule your next step call is to go to Marvettelacy.com and you will see at the top and it'll say schedule your next step call or you can, if you scroll down to the bottom it'll say contact. You hit that button, you can schedule it right there. You'll see the schedule, you schedule a time that works best for your availability and we get on a call and zoom and we talk. So I want to see your face on a zoom screen very soon because I want to help you finish your dissertation. This is for people who are ready to make progress, who are ready to stop, you know, dibbling and dabbling and this and that, who know that they need the community, who know they need the mindset, who know that they need the routines, but then they need a little extra support and accountability doing those things. This is a group for you. Okay, so again, go to marvettelacy.com. Sign up for your next step call and that's going to be it for today's episode and I look forward to coming to you next week with another interview. Bye for now y'all.

Thank you for joining in for today's office hours. Make sure you come on Instagram and tag me at Marvette Lacy, let me know what your thoughts were on today's episode. Until next time, do something to show yourself some love. I'll talk to you next week. Bye for now.