Episode 65: Save Energy. Avoid Pain. Seek Pleasure.

Introduction: 

Hey friend, the time has come to finish your dissertation, graduate and become doctor. Welcome to office hours with Dr. Lacy where we talk about how to finally master this time management thing so you can stay on top of it without losing your mind. Every Wednesday you can find a new episode wherever you listen to podcasts, make sure you hit the subscribe button to make sure you never miss an episode. I'm Dr. Marvette Lacy, your dissertation writing strategist here to be with you along every step of the way. I would like to thank you for coming to today's office hours. Let's get started on today's episode. Hey, how's writing going? I know you don't like the question, but let me tell you, when you join the finish your dissertation program, you will love that question. Clients often report feeling excited and joyful to go into their process even before they even get to the dissertation process, and that's what I'm inviting you to do. I'm inviting you to come inside the group and join us so that you can get the structure you need and the tools that will help you to show up consistent and disciplined in your process. All you need to do is come on over to Marvette lacy.com/apply and sign up for the wait list and you will be the first notified when doors are open. See you soon.

Imposter Syndrome is Knocking on my Door: 

Hello everyone. Welcome back to this week's episode. So, you know, we've been talking about imposter syndrome and I really wanted to round off this conversation and like put it like exclamation point on it because it has been, I mean, it's a theme, right? We hear about it all the time. And personally imposter syndrome has been coming up a lot. I've been, um, asked to do a lot of dope collaborations. I've been doing meeting new clients and just a lot of wonderful opportunities. And even though I've been doing this for almost three years, at this point, imposter syndrome still comes up and I've really conveyed to my clients that it doesn't go away necessarily. You just get used to it. You expect it. You become more aware of your patterns when you are in a cycle of believing in your imposter syndrome version of yourself, if you will.

And then, so it has been coming up. And so this has been fun to have this be, yes, I use that word intentionally. It has been fun for the thinking of May inside of the finish your dissertation group to be about the imposter syndrome. And so a part of the group, what we do is that once a month I will come and introduce the theme of the month and I will do a workshop on the theme. And that is what I did for May. Um, and this conversation was amazing. Like it got deep. And I wanted to share that with you all on the podcast, because while I won't be showing the recording from the session, because that is for the folks inside of the group, I do want to share a version of the presentation. Like I want to talk to you about that this week, because it, I started to talk about a different concept, which I think I've mentioned on last week's podcast, maybe, but I started talking about this concept of emotionally achieving and that's going to probably be the next, be the next episode where I want to go deeper into it.

Understanding imposter syndrome is so critical because we all go through it to some extent. And if you can become aware of what it really is instead of what you're making it to be in your mind, which I'll go into a little bit more, you can really get to a place where you could just show up in places and know that you belong there. You, you can get to a place where you go to your defense or you go to present your research and you're like, this is what it is. And you're okay. And you're willing to take whatever feedback that folks have for you. And you can take it and not make it about yourself when you start to fully understand the role that imposter syndrome plays. Now, if you haven't listened to the previous three parts about the imposter syndrome series, I highly, highly, highly encourage you to do that because it sets up the foundation for this conversation.

Imposter Syndrome Does Not Mean Anything Has Gone:

Okay? While I am going to address some of the same things I did in those three part series, I really, I think that listening to those episodes will really help you get a deeper understanding. So here's the one thing that if you took nothing else from the three part series, or if you take nothing else from today's conversation, the one thing that I want you to know that just because imposter syndrome has shown up, has arrived or whatever, right? It doesn't mean that anything has gone wrong. Let me say that again. It doesn't mean anything has gone wrong. And if you remember from what was that part One that I said that in fact, imposter syndrome means everything is going right? Cause it's a normal part of the process. It means that your brain is switching from, Oh, I could possibly become doctor till like, Nope, I'm I'm, I'm becoming doctor. Nope, it's happening.

We're doing this thing. It's like when your brain starts to make the switch that I realized like, no, you're in the classes, you're going to finish the program. Your brain wants to throw up all these things because it perceives that this goal that you're going after. It's new, it's different. And your brain's not about that. Not about that. And so it tries to tell you, and it derails you to be like, Nope, don't do that. Go do something else. I'm gonna get into that a little bit more. But the main thing that I want you to know is that it doesn't mean anything has gone wrong. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with you doesn't mean you are broken. It doesn't mean that the system is broken. It doesn't mean that the process isn't working, it means that everything is going the way it's supposed to.

Let's take, cause we know, this whole podcast is directed towards doctoral students. Right? So like take yourself back before you enrolled in your program, right? You're like, Oh my, like somebody tells you to apply or you got the idea I'm going to apply to a doctoral program. Yes. My dreams going to come true. I'm finally going to get the respect, I deserve. Sign me up right now. You go and ask people for the recommendation letters. You fill out the applications, right? You work tirelessly on your personal statement, you submit all of your materials, right? You do some interviews. They come back. They're like, congratulations. You're in the program. Right. And that summer before, which is one of my like favorite times? I was like the anticipation of a new school year. You just need to know by heart that the first day of school is my favorite holiday. I saidthat on a call and I'm like, it's all a holiday. You okay, I'm going on a rant. I, my very, very first day of school, first of all, I was disappointed that in my mind, I was supposed to start preschool a year before. And my mom, my mom set me up. She told me I was going to start. It did not happen. Um, so I felt like I had been waiting a whole year to go to preschool. And so the anticipation was everything. I'm don't think I went to sleep the night before I had my pink sparkly dress picked out because yes, first day outfits are important.

I had my mom like, um, hot comb my hair and curl it. And I had on my little ruffle socks and black patent leather shoes, I was ready to go. Right. It's the excitement. And I still feel like that four year old. Well, not anymore. Cause I'm in no one's classes. I guess now I'll be teaching in the fall. So I'll have that. But I still feel like that four year old stuff, that first day of school is it's exciting. And the school supplies, the school supplies. Anyway, I am digressing. Right? So you have that feeling, right? Maybe your version of that anticipation before you started your program was, you're like, okay, I'm gonna have all the planners. I'm going to be the student and be on top of my game. It's not going to be like, it was that last degree or that last diploma, I am going to get it together. Right. So you come in and you're like, I got this, I'm enrolled, but you're still kind of like the honeymoon phase. Right. And then you get in and you do your first week. Of course, it's usually it takes about the first or second week you do your first year and you see the syllabi and you see all of the assignments, the readings, the readings, right.

And all the requirements of each course, you're like, how do they even expect you to do this for one course, let alone the three or four, um, I registered for it, right? Your brain immediately goes, we cannot do this. This is too much reading. Who's writing all of these papers and what, and I was supposed to do this in the work and take care of myself and my family and whoever else. Right. Shit gets real when you get all, when you get a very clear picture of what your semester is going to look like, right? And once shit gets real, that's when that voice inside of your brain says, Hm, I don't think we have enough. I think they made a mistake. I think they let the wrong person in because there's no way that they think I'm going to come into this program and be able to do all of this. They must have the wrong name. They must have switched up the files. Maybe this was like a pity vote to let me either way I need to go let them know. It was like a part of you that secretly, secretly is like, I need to let them know they made a mistake. Right? If you can relate to this, tell me, yes, it doesn't matter if you are in your car or you're running or something. And people are going to look at you strange and shout it out.

Normalizing The Process: 

Okay. Let me tell you why this is a normal part of the process. Right? So to recap, you have a goal, you set about achieving that goal. And once your brain makes a connection that this goal is happening, shit gets real. And then it throws up all this stuff, right? So why does your brain do this? Right? Why does it enter like the voice of imposter syndrome? Why would it do that to you? When it knows it causes you so much, I don't know, grief or discomfort, or like stress, anxiety. Why would it do that? Here's the thing. Your brain three jobs, your brain is always working on three things. Number one is to conserve energy. Number two is to avoid pain. And number three is to seek pleasure. Your brain is like, that was the only things we are doing are those three things. If it does not fit in those three things, we are not about it now with the shit, okay? Keep everything else to yourself. Right? So number one, conserving energy. Your brain uses up more calories than the rest of your body. Let that sink in your brain, the brain, the brain uses way more calories or energy said another way than the rest of your body. Because of that, your brain is like, we need a system. Like we can't be doing all these things. We only got so many, like, like a certain amount of calories or energy to use per day. We have to be strategic about how to use that energy. And really, we only don't want to use it on these three things. Right? But it only your brain is like, we have to conserve it. Right? So your brain then, right? It has some automatic functions, right?

You have breathing and sleeping and hormones and other processes happen in the body. And I get all scientific. Cause I don't really remember all this stuff for biology, but that's not the point. Right? Your brain has all these things that it puts on automatic. And let's just say that's in the back of the brain, right? The back of your brain, the base of your brain, if you will, is where your automatic control center is. If you will, right. It's where things go on, autopilot. Things are running smoothly. You don't think about it, right? You're not thinking about breathing. You're not thinking about regulating your temperature. You're not thinking about making sure your heart beats, your brain is automatically in body is automatically controlling that, right? That also the back of the brain, the front of the brain prefrontal cortex, right? It's the getting more scientific, the scientific-ly. If that's not a word anyway, then I want to write. But the front of your brain is the conscious part of your brain. That's the conscious part. It's where your, your free will comes in. If you will, at any point your brain, the texts that you do, a certain thing over and over, or you say a certain thing over and over, you think a certain thing over and over it goes, well there's no point to try to use energy because the prefrontal cortex uses the most energy because you have to like be focused on what you're doing, saying and whatever, right? And so if your brain is like, if we're trying to conserve energy, anytime that you do something, say something or feel something repeatedly. If there's a pattern, then your brain goes, clearly, this is what we're supposed to do. Let's put that in the back of the brain. Let's put it on autopilot because that will help us to conserve energy because we don't have to be conscious or really aware of it.

That's happening. Cause we do it all the time. There's no point, right? It's kind of like when you go to brush your teeth, you don't need to actively be aware of that every morning, right? You are in the habit of you get up and you go brush your teeth or whatever your morning routine is, right. There's no point to make sure you get out the bed, have a checklist that says, go brush your teeth. This is put, take the toothbrush. Wet the toothbrush, I don't know your process, put the toothpaste on it go up and down on your teeth, right? Like you're not consciously thinking of that at this point for the most of us, right? The same way that that's on autopilot, your brain does that with other things. It puts it in the back of the brain to go on autopilot. The other thing I want you to think about is that for our thoughts, we think about roughly 60 to 80,000 thoughts a day. Most of those thoughts are negative, but that's a different podcast. That's just how the brain is. And we though your front of your brain, the party part is the brain. It is only aware of 5% of those, 60 to 80,000 thoughts. Like let that sink in.

You are only aware of 5% of the thoughts you think on a daily basis. That blew my mind. The first time I heard that, like what, because most of the thoughts that we, that we are thinking most of that 60 to 80,000 are the same thoughts and they're negative. And your brain goes, well, if we're going to think the same shit all the time, and we're just going to put it on the loop, why do we need to be conscious of it? Just put it back there in the good old back of the brain's subconscious. We will just automatically think those. We don't need to be aware that we're thinking it, right? Like I don't need to be aware that I'm going to brush my teeth. I don't need to be aware that I'm thinking these negative thoughts. Cause I do it every day, all the time. And so he puts it on autopilot. So that's number one, conserving energy.

Avoiding Pain: 

Number two, your brain wants to avoid pain. Nobody wants to be in pain. Nobody wants to be a pain. And that could be pain because a tiger is around the corner, but that could be pain cause you have to go talk to your chair and you haven't written anything in four weeks. Your brain does not distinguish between the different type of pain. All it knows is that pain is bad. And so if you're trying to get yourself to do something that is painful, your brain goes, um, no, Nope, Nope. That's going to hurt. Why would we do that? We are, we're trying to survive. And why would you purposely want us to go do something painful? You know, it sounds better going to watch Netflix, watching tik tok for a few hours, scrolling on the gram, talking to so and so I'm going to go run. You even make it to the point where you're like clean it all cleaning my house. It's less painful than trying to write or going to talk to my dissertation chair. Right? Your brain is like, what is the least painful, avoid pain. Right? And so it tries to give you some quick fix or it tries to like get you to do something else that feels better. And then you may notice it comes out like, fuck it. I'm not writing today. Fuck it. I should guess maybe I should put a disclaimer note. This is my podcast I curse. But like your brain is like, Nope, Nope. Not doing that. Right. And that's how you can get to four, eight, 12 weeks of no writing. Right? So the first one is your brain is conserving energy. The second thing is avoiding pain. And the third thing is seeking pleasure, right?

Seeking Pleasure: 

Seeking pleasure. Now known as and avoiding pain. I use the example of like Netflix and tik tok and all of that. And you think that's pleasurable. It kind of is. It's just less painful actually. Pleasure though, is something that like lights you up that like, it just lights you up on the inside. It's just undescribable joy in the relaxation and just all the things. Right? Pleasure. Your brain is like, well, how do we get more of that? It can be in the form of like eating or being like a new relationship or something. It's usually something new. Like in our, because of our instant gratification, it's usually that we're seeking something new because that newness gives us all the warm and fuzzies. Right? What I noticed though, with my clients, with people I talked to and students in general though, especially the students who enter into my world, their hit of dopamine because dopamine is what gives us that, Oh, everything is great feeling. The warms, the butterflies, the Daisy feelings. Um, what gives us that is achieving like achievement from the point that, you know, we've been in school, in the K through 12 system, right? You go, you've been taught. You go to go to school, you have certain classes, you do certain assignments, you get a grade for each assignment and then you get a grade for each class or year or whatever. There's a ranking. And every time you get a grade, there's a dopamine hit. It's like, yes. And for the folks who have made it to who are process, most of y'all are used to getting A's and B's right.

Most of you doing, being the smart person, you're used to getting praise for achievement, achievement in school. Achievement of, I don't know, maybe you did like piano or maybe you play like a sport or maybe something else you're used to regularly getting praise from other people. And so now when you need to get a hit of dopamine, you need to feel good. You usually are finding a new goal, right. And this new goal can be or something that like makes you feel, feel better. Like one thing could be like, I see a lot of people at planning on talking about my life. Listen, every day almost when I was writing my dissertation, I was going to Michael's to buy a new planner. Cause it made me feel good. It's like, Oh, let me plan. I'm going to decorate this. I know exactly what I'm using this planner for. Oh, I need a wall calendar. I need a paper calendar. I need a dry erase calendar. I need a digital calendar. And I used to tell myself the reason why I needed all these calendars and planners was because the more I wrote things down, the more I remembered them. Right. I would find myself like watching videos on YouTube about planning or watching product productivity hacks, or like looking up Instagram accounts or Googling, like how's the best way to organize the literature review or how is the best way to organize my time for writing so I can make the most of it. Right. And I have these extensive like morning routines to help me make sure I've effectively maximize time. 0Or it's like the second area where I see this as like future planning, students are like, I need to have all of the experiences for my next job. I need to set myself up. And I'm like, you know, your first semester you want to like set yourself up for success in the program.

They're like, no, I need a job after this. Right. So they get involved in all these leadership experiences, these other organizations, these additional research teams, like they want to do all the things, go to all the conferences, talk to all the people in the effort to like for future planning. The other piece that they don't tell anybody, but they tell me because they know I have my own businesses that they're like, listen, I want to, I only want to do this whole like PhD thing cause I want to start a business and I want to do some consulting. And I want to teach over here on the side, but I don't want that to be my full of job, but I just want to be like a writer and write and do books and speaking, or they have these other, like they started nonprofits or they're there, they have leadership positions in the church or they have this huge responsibility in their chapter meetings for their sorority. Like whatever it is. Right. They're doing all of these things and it sounds good on the surface, it sounds very noble. Right? Cause you may be asking me like, aren't these all things that you're told that you're supposed to do. And what I want you to see is that it's not a bad, it's not about the actions in themselves. It's about how you feel doing them. So to go back to that third piece, when your brain is trying to seek pleasure and it tells you to go start a new business, you're not doing that because like you have thought it out and you've planned it out and you you're making a plan for your future.

You're doing it as a way to like buffer or to procrastinate, with you writing right now. Like it's a very subtle shift or different. It's very nuanced in that way. And you have to watch your energy or how did you come up with the idea? What started? Like what were you doing? Were you avoiding anything? Did you, were you supposed to be doing something else? Are you bored with your current goal? Right. And you may not notice this right away. It's a pattern. So you, you had to watch yourself over a longer period of time to see, do I have a habit of starting new things when I get tired or bored or frustrated with the current thing I'm doing, right? And one clear indication of how you know that you're doing this is that when you look up and you feel overwhelmed and overworked and resentful of all the things that you have to do, when none of those things bring you joy, or you just don't have any F's to give about any of them. Sure. We all have our days when this has become a pattern. And you just like, if you find yourself like, Oh, if I could just run away, if I could just get a whole vacation somewhere for a whole year, I'll be good. Most likely you've got into this emotionally achieving trap. I think this is so good. Like I was so pleased myself when I was like, it's just like, I know I'm getting into the other pockets. I was like, it's just like emotionally eating the emotionally eating part is that like, you're eating. Cause you're trying to feel better. You're trying to fill a void. You trying to avoid whatever the feeling is and emotionally achieving does the same thing.

You're trying to avoid the feeling of what happens when you're writing or when it comes to your research or when it comes to classes. You're trying to find the next goal or achievement to give you a quick hit of dopamine or pleasure so that you think it will give you the motivation to do this current thing that you don't want to do. And all that becomes another thing added to your plate, which starts your brain all over again. Right? So recapping with the brain, everything goes to autopilot. That means that's a pattern that something you do that doesn't need any conscious effort that includes actions and thoughts and feelings, right? Like I'll go in the autopilot part of the brain. And the conscious part of the brain is only available for things that require your complete awareness and attention, right? And the brain's job, it has three jobs, which is to conserve energy, avoid pain and seek pleasure. And the way you probably most likely you're listening to this podcasts that you like to seek pleasure is to achieve something because it was a core part of your identity achievement, right?

Puzzles & Imposter Syndrome: 

So we got that and where imposter syndrome comes in. Cause you're like, did we lose that? We did not. When imposter syndrome comes in, is that when you continue to like you're conserving energy and you're avoiding pain and you're seeking pleasure through these different achievements. Or maybe it is just watching Netflix or maybe it's doing everything, but the thing you say you going to do, that's when you feel like an imposter, because you're like, I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing. See, I'm not that serious about it. See, I don't even want it that much. Clearly. I don't know what I'm doing because I wouldn't be doing all these other things. That's how imposter syndrome comes up. And I'm saying that imposter syndrome is a normal part of the process because if you're not aware of how you do things and your patterns and the way that you are avoiding, if you're not aware of that imposter syndrome gets to take up a larger part of like residence in your brain.

And it says, it's a gift to you. It's kind of like an indication to you to say, Hey friend, you need to clean some stuff up. If you want to achieve this goal, you know, I'm trying to show you what you need to clean up. Well, you have to know how to listen. It's imposter syndrome. It's a whole person. Don't worry. So remember nothing has gone wrong. Just it's just an indicator. And your brain will go in this endless loop unless you stop it. So since we're clear on that, let's put a pin in that for a minute. And I want you to think about something. I want you to think about that. You go to target because you know, love target where else would you be going. You go to target, maybe you have your mask on. Cause if you're listening to this in real time, we are all walking around with our mask on and go to public. So you got to target. You're like, I cannot do this quarantine thing anymore without something to do. And I watched all the stuff on Hulu and Netflix, you say, I'm going to go to target to get a puzzle. And you go pick out like a thousand piece puzzle and you go pay for it and you go back home and you have the box and you fell in love with the picture. And you're so excited that you open up the box and you top all the pieces out, right? So it's a thousand pieces on your table. You set up the picture just right, so that you can see it.

And then you start to like move the pieces around. And you're like, okay, what's my approach going to be right. Are you someone who starts with the edges, the corners, you, someone who like finds a certain part of the picture. And you're like, I'm just going to focus on that. Do you do like colors? Right. People have different systems and you are excited by it because you know, it's something you can do. You know, it's something that you can finish. Why? Because you know you have all the pieces and you have the picture right there. And it just becomes a matter of rearranging these puzzle pieces to fit, to get it to the point where it looks like the picture on the front of the box. Right. And you never question if you'll be able to do it, right. You never question. If you have enough knowledge to know how to do it, you just know that it's a matter of time, right? It's just a matter of time. And you're going to keep trying to rearrange the puzzle pieces until they start to fit. Because you know, it's just a matter of time that you're going to finish that puzzle. And it's going to look like what it does on the front of the box.

The same thing happens in life. Puzzle is just the analogy. We have the pieces, we have everything that we need. We have all the tools, right? We have all the pieces we need. We have the picture, you know, you want to become a doctor. You have coursework behind you. You know, you want to be doctor and what's in the middle of you going from all, having all the individual pieces to the final product is you writing this dissertation and the writing, the dissertation or whatever the goal is, you're doing that middle part: I call it the pool of misery. It's called the pool of misery to convey a point that it's not going to always feel fun. It's not going to always feel easy. And it's not going to always feel like, Oh my God, this is the most wonderful thing. But you still have to go through it. Right? So similar to that puzzle, you rearranging pieces and trying to find the corners and like colors. That's not going to always be fun. Right? You're going to be working hard. It's going to require a lot of your power. Right? Cause you got to figure out what pieces go at what? And you try to put two pieces together. Like, Oh, that doesn't work next two pieces. Oh, that doesn't work. Oh, this looked like it might work. Oh it fits. But not really. Right.

Pool of Misery: 

If you, if you've done a puzzle recently, you know what I mean? Right. You're trying to put all these, these pieces together and a lot of it is it's uncomfortable cause you're not getting it right. You're in a lot of things wrong. What you thought was going to work. Isn't maybe you start off with one strategy with the corners and you're like, I'm abandoning that strategy. And you go about like finding like pieces together. Right? You just keep trying a bunch of things until it starts to work and it starts to click and you can build your like momentum of like once you start getting puzzle pieces to fit together, you're like, yes, let's keep going. Let's keep going. And the closer you get to fit, like getting to that end, the more like momentum and inspiration you have, right? The same thing is true. When it comes to your dissertation, you have all these puzzle pieces. You have all these options about methodology and methods and research questions. And Oh, I can like analyze it like this, or I could have this topic. Right? You have all these pieces and your job is to figure out which pieces fit together for you. And it's not going to always be fun and you're not going to get it right on the first time or first try. Not all of it at least, right. It's going to take some, some pivoting. It's going to take some rearrangements, gonna take some conversations. And that whole part is what I call the pool of misery.

Cause I don't want to lie to you because just because I'm calling it, the pool of misery doesn't mean that I think it's a bad thing. And it doesn't mean that I think it's going to destroy you or that you can't be excited through going through the pool of misery. Just how you are excited about trying to put this puzzle together. You could be excited about going through the pool of misery, but the pull of misery is necessary because in the pool of misery are a series of failures. Yes. When people say failure your way the top, that is not cliche or just a saying, and it's real. It's it depends on how you look at failure, right? Cause when you're doing the puzzle and you try to put two pieces together to look like they should fit. But when you go to put them together, they don't, that's a failure because it didn't work and so on and so on. And all failure means which we're going to talk a lot about more next month. But all failure means is you're taking action. That you're actually trying to figure it out because you can try to do all that. You can to try to put this puzzle together in your brain all day, but that doesn't get you to the end result of a completed puzzle. It is only when you put fingertips to puzzle pieces and move them around and try to push them together that it becomes a tangible finished product.

You can only think your way so far, like you're going to have to do something. And when you have a list of failures that you can look back on and be like, Oh, look at all that. Look at all the stuff I did. That's a whole different ball game. But when you look back and you're like, I did a lot of thinking, you don't even remember it. And it was the same shit over and over. What is that getting you? So you had to be willing to go through the pool of misery to get to the other side. And imposter syndrome is hanging out with the failures in the pool of misery. And the more willing you're are, You're like, yep, that's what it's going to be. I'm going through. I'm ready for it. Give me the puzzle. I'm ready. That attitude is different. It's still the same frustration of like how these pieces going to go together. Whatever. But your attitude about it is different. Or you can go into a "like a thousand piece puzzle. Why would you do that? Why wouldn't you get a 500 piece or a hundred piece puzzle. Why is it this color? Why is it like." If you're going in with that attitude, it's going to be a long road, right? You're not going to want to finish this puzzle. But when you go into it with like, yes, I know I have all the things it's going to happen. That that's a whole different energy. And so I'm inviting you to embrace imposter syndrome. I'm inviting you to embrace that failure is going to happen and I'm inviting you to embrace it. That also means nothing has gone wrong. That everything is going right. This might be a little, like say what now to some of y'all. And I would really be curious to know what your thoughts are, right?

Confidence & Courage: 

But the moment you make a commitment to do that puzzle, or you make a commitment to become doctor, everything comes up. The pool was like, hello, are you ready to jump in? And it's going to take courage. You have to find courage to go through that pool. You have to have courage to say like, yeah, I'm not going to get some things right. And yeah somethings are not going to go the way I planned them to go. And that's okay because I'm willing to keep going to find out what works for me. Because when you find out what works for you, when you start to like, Oh, I like this, but I don't like this. Right? Going back to the puzzle analogy, Oh, I can move these pieces around. And that's great. When you find what works for you, you start to build your confidence, right? Cause now you have evidence of that. Didn't work. This didn't work. Let me do more. Where works and you start to build momentum and confidence that you'll get this done, which will then increase the confidence that you have in your ability to get it done, which gets you to the end of that pool and out to the other side. And when you get out of the pool on the other side, you're at your goal, your doctor, or you have a finished puzzle, right? But that takes courage, right?

It takes a willingness to learn what works for you so that you can then build confidence. So then you can become doctor, you have to have the courage. You made the commitment. Now you have to have the courage to follow through and you have to be willing to say like this works, this doesn't. And then you get to confidence. Most people, most of y'all want the confidence. When you make the commitment, it doesn't work that way. You have to go through the imposter syndrome. You have to go through the pool of misery. You have to fail. It has to happen because otherwise you're going to get to the other side. And it won't mean anything. And otherwise, if it didn't include all those things, if somebody had a shortcut to avoid those feelings and avoid all those things, everybody would be walking around here, doctor everyone would, would achieve this goal. Right. And it all is all about your approach, your mindset behind it. It was all about that. So when you can get to a place where you're willing to do it, and you can become more aware of what's happening, right. Because I talked about in that part three is that if this comes down to, how much are you willing to be aware of how you think feel and act?

How much are you willing to be aware of in the ways that imposter syndrome shows up for you? Like in particular, what is your pool of misery? Because it's different for everyone. What does your particular pool look like? Does your imposter syndrome show up more about you feel like you don't know enough, does your imposter syndrome shows up and like, I don't have enough time. Does your imposter syndrome show up? And like, I don't know why people believe in me so much. I have all the support in tools, but I don't know why people believe in me. I just, I don't get it, get it. Like I'm just lucky. Or is it some combination or some other things, but in order for you to know, like I'm jumping into this pool and I figure out what works for me and I don't, if what doesn't work for me, you first have to be aware of the pool is there, what it looks like. So then you can stand and start to collect some information. And this is what I work with with my clients every week, every week, we're having a conversation about their particular pool of misery and we're talking through, okay, what needs to work? Right? Because people like, what do you need to do to get through your pool? Because people think like, well, I don't need all that. I just need you to tell me what to write. You already know what to write. Like we establish that. You already know what to write. You just don't believe it. Cause this is your particular pool of misery.

Finish Your Dissertation Program: 

You don't believe, you know it, you don't believe you have everything. You know enough, you have enough, you are enough. I will repeat that over and over and over because it's true. And the thing that is getting in your way, right? And your, your thoughts about your pool of misery, you making it mean that something is wrong, wrong with the process or you or something, but it's not. And the closer you can get to accepting, this is just it. This is how it is. And I'm just going to jump head first and go through this pool because the faster I get through the pool, the faster I get to be doctor, if you are ready to take this to the next step and to do this further and really get to the core of it, sign up today to join the finish your dissertation program. I, when I tell you, you will hit your next milestone is six months or less. And I have people who've done it way less. And a milestone, when I say milestone, talking about finishing your proposal. Yes, your whole proposal. Even if you're starting from nothing, maybe it's collecting data and analyzing it. 

Maybe your next milestone is finishing the entire dissertation. Whatever that is, you can do that in six months or less. Come on over to Marvette lacy.com/apply complete the application. We're going to hop on a dissertation breakthrough session, and we're going to determine if you are a good fit for the program, both of us together, we'll determine if you're a good fit. So can't wait to talk with you. I'm gonna, um, see you on a call and I will talk with you out here on the podcast next week, but enjoy your pool of misery. Okay, bye for now. Hey, you ready to take this work further? Then it's time for you to join the finish your dissertation program. Finally get the tools, resources, and structure. You need to show up consistent and disciplined in your process. All you need to do is come on over to MarvetteLacy.com/Apply and join the finish your dissertation wait list. I'll see you there. Bye for now. Thank you for joining in for today's office hours. Make sure you come on Instagram and tag me at Marvette Lacy. Let me know what your thoughts were on today's episode until next time. Do something to show yourself some love. I'll talk to you next week. Bye for now.